All good things come to an end (Part 4)

Goodbye Mr nice guy;

I could not trust, it was time to raise the white flag and call the surrender... 

Right after the festive season I asked to be transferred to a new position, I could not work in such an environment, and besides all of my complains to chef were pointless!, he would have not listened. His reply was a constant!, always the same prompt answer "your over reacting Hotei, and if you think you have a problem, try and sort it out by yourself..."

At first my proposal was ignored, and this only made things worst. I started to change, I started not to trust..I became cold, stopped joking with the others, for me (I thought) they are no longer friends, they are just co-workers and I should have treated then as such from the very first day...

No more a smile on my face and many started asking me what was going on, but I never gave an answer back...

My change effected the others and the kitchen atmosphere turned  cold and it was heavy to breath, I let no one approach me...

Jessica was the one to worry and notice my drastic change, she many times tried to make me smile, but now it was just to late, and I was just too stubborn to listen...
Finally my request was accepted and I was moved to a new post...but now something was different I could not change to the one I used to be, I somehow liked the person I have become. Many were just intimidated by my stare, and the way I addressed them. I didn't mind, it was perfect! they "feared" me and no one dared to question me anything...but this made me only grow more distant and colder....to every one...

I trusted only a few persons...but I still kept a step back...

Then...this "Change" effected me more then I could ever imagine, it took over me. The "new me" gave me confidence and made me not see clearly... Cassidy noticed my drastic change but I guess she preferred  not to say anything. I was cold to her as well and the stress from work effected our relationship and the misadventures in renovating our home did not help. It was like a constant build up of emotions and broken dreams.

The new emotion rooted deep within me, it protected me, now no one could touch this person I have become...

I tried to not let work matters affect me at home..but it was now just too late. I started treating Cassidy the same way I treated the others. I was blinded with this new emotion, I hated this emotion and at the same time I loved it. It made me feel safe.

I am not sure what made Cassidy remain by my side, many times I did not want to meet her after work as I knew this meant more stress and more arguments about the renovation works. I preferred to go home and try to escape from it all even if for a few hours. My life was now work and sleep. I slept every time I could get some free time it was my way to escape, and many times on a free day I would just go by the sea and watch the waves break down on the coast, anything! as long as I was alone....

An other year was gone by... 

Again Jessica came congratulating "me" for the good job, our restaurant won an award, she hugged me and whispered in my ear "you know? the others are quite pissed, especially Clint! they did not qualify for the award this year". I sort of gave in a smile to her that day...but that was it.

Chef came that evening to give us the news, it was like the same deja-vous  repeating... the same as he said the year before...I was very pissed this time, but said nothing.
Went home that day and laid down on my bed, but somehow I could not sleep...I had this constant resonating voice in my head..."you can't take this Hotei..you will not take this Hotei". I stood up and started writing a letter, it came out all spontaneous like it was all already written in my head and my hand was the printer.

Went rushed to work and handed the letter I wrote the night before, I had decided..it was no longer my place to be....

The very next morning I received a call, it was a man asking me if he could talk to me about work, I without any hesitation excepted to do so.

And so destiny started unfolding its magic on me, the wheel started its cycle and I could not stop it or change its direction. I met the gentile man that called me and he offered me a job, I accepted with out the sign of a doubt...  

Picture by google images