Happiness is...

"A man. His life, a story so familiar to you and everyone else you know. Us. Constantly in  search  for this thing called happiness".

                                  The quest. Happiness. It takes a lifetime to conquer or perhaps one never truly finds it because one never learns how to understand it. Perhaps it is found in the most insignificant things that we never bother to give importance to.

Guess its hard to describe, guess its not easy to understand. Guess its not right to chase it down. It will come in its own time and place. One thing I have learned over the years, is that as much as we run, as much as we force things to happen, if they were not meant to happen they will not... as simple as that!. They will happen in the time they were meant to happen no matter what we do. One must let time do its own course, forcing will only make the wait more painful at least this is how I think it works, I might be wrong but its how I see it.

Happiness. How to: it is more easy then its seams. Happiness is found in a million forms shapes and sizes.

Happiness is in my opinion the simplest of feelings, the most clear, yet we so find it hard to recognise it.

...A late night talk to a friend.

     ...The rain falling in your hands.

         ...Inspiring someone.

             ...Finding someone as weird as you.

                 ...Being the reasons for someones happiness.

                     ...Falling in love with your best friend.

                          ...A purring cat.

                              ...A warm smile of a lover or a friend.

 ..Happiness can be all that you want it to be. 

Simply believe.. 

...it is easy as a pie. 

Picture by Hotei  

Time.

It is the most abundant thing we have and yet we can never have enough of it. We are constantly loosing it but we never really realise. It is the most precious thing one can own but we never value it and we constantly waste it away... 

It was another morning, like many others I lived, like many have come and simply flew away without me noticing or caring that they went by. Yet this morning my mind, thoughts and eyes worked in harmony with each other. They played the most beautiful melody, yet it saddened the heart. I had that sunken feeling that something was to happen. I could not quite grasp the feeling even though I tried to understand. Then like many other times it slowly made sense, it slowly came to me, slowly the colours became more vivid, and yet again I was drawn into my secret world, the secret world of my mind. There where colours are bright there where sound does not exist, it exists only the sound of my thoughts, that from soft, hush murmurs become loud clear voices.

How I could have done this to me?... how did I let my self do this? I thought. Then I realised that every one must think the same way I do, this is one thing we all might agree on, we all have wasted time, we all have one time or another disrespected this precious gift. How many times we thought, promised, vowed and sworn that we would never ever again loose or waste it, yet every time we fail from keeping the solemn oath.

As I look out of my window and see the autumn wind steal the leaves from the tree branches with every blow carrying with it stories and with each blow it pushes summer away bringing new hopes for a new life, bringing new memories as this year will soon take its last breath. This is a familiar sight to me, sweet yet melancholic. It draws me back violently to reality, but I hold fragments from the world I been in. Then I look into myself searching for these fragments and see the promises I did not keep. How many times I told myself, "Never make promises you cant keep" yet every time I arrogantly break this rule. I arrogantly throw and waste this gift we call time.


Once more I make a promise, a promise I am giving my word on, a promise that I will do my utmost to keep. By next autumn before the last leave falls before winter makes itself feel....the words I gave the hopes I build and promises I made, I will keep... I know sacrifice must be done, I know it will not be easy, I know its a fight against time, but for this time I so profoundly now value its gift - I will keep what today I sworn my love.

Picture by Hotei 

 

Confessions of my mind.

It is not a matter of inspiration, nether fantasy, it just comes to me. I can't explain why or how, all I know is that my finger tips tingle. I call it tingling, fact is that I can't find any other word to make myself more clear. All I know is that there is only one way to stop this urge, and that is writing. I always loved writing, I did it since I was a child, it is something that perhaps is buried in me deeply. I look at it like when taking a picture, when you find the perfect shot you just click away to freeze the image, same is with writing it comes and goes, sometimes an idea can linger in my head for hours or days and many other times for just seconds.

Sometimes it scares me how my brain works, how I see the image I want to capture. Its not easy to comprehend, but I can try to explain. Its like being in a bubble, I see everything amplified and sharp, but yet I feel cut out from the rest of the world. Sometimes the colours are vibrant more then you could ever imagine, other times I'm overwhelmed by scents, sweet images laced with these sweet smells. This feeling comes to me sometimes for an instant... sometimes hours, and other times the image is unclear almost blurred and dull. So if you ask me what I am on about don't feel bad if I don't explain cause many times I can't understand it my self.

Keep on wanting more, I know she does, I know once she have tasted the forbidden fruit its hard to let go, she gets inebriated by its taste and liquor. I just need her to understand that not all I see is clear, and that many times words come to me obfuscated, almost like distorted, many times I can hear and listen, but simply can't processes a single word.

Many times I can read her shivering soul trough her teary eyes, perhaps after hurting her unintentionally, how stupid I feel. I should have many times said words I thought, that would have made things more easy to understand, not only for her but perhaps even for me... how stupid I feel...

On other occasions I speak a language she cant understand, but those words just slip out without me having control on them, its just like my body doesn't respond to my own commands. How stupid I feel when sometimes I realise that time has passed, slipped away without ever realising, how stupid I feel...

Picture by google images 

The one to save me.

                          This is my secret.... 

                                     This is my story... 

                                               This is how I was saved... 

I am not sure what was it, or I am not sure how this happened, but let me try find how and count the ways this happened.

It might have been her dark slightly shy eyes, her eyes.... yes! her eyes.. sharp! yet, slightly sunken.... the way she tugged at her hair twisting her long curls. The way she let a smile escape from her plump rosy lips, surrounded by white skin. Her smiles and giggles sound naive, yet they have a mysterious feel to them. The way she closes her eyes to dream, and many times to let a tear escape down her cheeks, shutting her eyelids as tight as she could, ignoring the word around, or perhaps wishing it away pretending no one was looking.... not even me.  Her big dreams, her fantasies... how incredible they sound, many times exaggerated..... just like tales narrated to amuse little kids, may be this is what keeps me young.

The way she fitted perfectly against my chest while she reached her hands around me, holding me tightly. The smell of her skin.... her cool feeling skin...sometimes she shivers with just the slight of a breeze...

Perhaps one last thing...the way she looked at me... like I could save her from all the bad things in the world, Like I was the only one left that could save her...

                   This is my secret...
                             This is my story...
                                       She was the one to save me...

Picture by tumblr.

.

Harvester Of Stars

Harvester of stars, 

Lost among a million dreams, 

Wake! its not a dream. 

Reached for your hand, as we walked towards the dark reaching the golden room, there! where everyone wore masks. It was not our place, or perhaps it was the place we so longed for. Among fake smiles and subtle chants we made our way to the top of the stairs, looked down and saw destiny unfold, looked up and saw past in its mighty golden glory.

Fantasised a bit to much, perhaps the wine, perhaps had a little to much. As we walked among the masks came to me for a second or two, a memory of a past night, were fireflies filled the air, were a sweet smell of blossoms saturated the air.

I many times wondered how to make you listen the sound that was still, now that I learned you heard I find it hard to speak. But tonight we are not wearing masks only us walked unashamed among the crowd of dancing  phantoms. Only us walked proudly unveiled.

As more and more the night went by, the stars seamed to shine less, perhaps shadowed by the brilliance of the floating city above, or perhaps out-shined by your glistening eyes as they foretold what they saw in the imminent future. A leap in the dark it may seam to be, but who are we to judge? without even giving it a chance.

We wore a grin as we went back down the stairway, proudly walked among the crowd, they bowed in wonder as they removed their masks. To our chariot made us way...

Picture by Hotei©

 

Siren to the sea

To me, you are as beautiful as the sea.

And like a siren cast ashore,

I heed your call. 

... 

I have watched your many faces change.

The still glassy calmness on the surface. 

The rough, troubled waters further deep. 

And I have decided that I love them all.  

For you are the one I belong to, my love.

I have watched, countless times from beneath  

This distorting film of water, those ships... 

Floating thoughts, which I could never read.   

Though I swam,hoping to see, yet only to know, 

Before I reached the shore, that I could not resist 

The hushing sound of your lullaby.. 

The waves, lapping soft, to caress my skin...

The gentle breeze at your soothing side... 

I could only see, that I could watch, forever, 

Those ships...dreams and memories, pulling me in 

For even if, I cannot understand, 

I'm still enthralled...captivated, my sea.

Only within you do I come to life. 

Carry me away, sweet surrender, to your tide.

Thanks to C for sharing this poem with me. 

Picture by Hotei ©

Whispered by C 

Sail me back home

The dreams we shared are slowly taking shape. Worked so hard to achieve the goals we've set and finally we are so close to collect the fruits from the plants that we planted a few years back. Collecting the fruits will not result in the end but hopefully just the start.

Time is going on by without giving us the time to realise, last June I was mourning a love (a friendship) that could and never be part of my life. Came across more then just emotions, my path kept crossing more and more people, some of them readers that perhaps wanted to know the face behind this mask. Or others, that felt like they knew me for a long while, from here I send all of my love to you all my dear friends.

Working to hard you told me. Well I don't mind I always reply, as long as the result shows, in the end that makes it all worthwhile working for, no matter how hard that might turn out to be.

...

"All work and no play makes jack a dull boy you told me with a grin on your face, and besides its your birthday you deserve it... Hoo what a day that was".

...

The sun was shining in its full glory, but yet a soft cold breeze kept making us hold back from calling it summer. You held on tightly to my arm as we set sail to the north, the waves gently rocked our boat while the  golden sun shimmered on the water somehow making us feel almost dizzy. Your eyes picked up notes from the golden strokes reflected on the waves making that moment even more enchanting.

Reached for my hand as we stared at the deep blue water making us question if what we had in front of us was real or just a figment of our imagination. The water kept calling us, inviting us to play with the cheeky waves. The waves were at times  teasing us  trying to reach our feet hanging down from behind the railing. Not long we were over come by the wanting, to feel the salty water on our skin, making us regret it the minute we dipped our toes in the freezing water.

Among a thousand people, giggles, laughs and smiles only one face was familiar to me, the only face I could see, the only face I know. It reminded me of a passed perfect day while we shivered in the icy crystal clear waters. Yet the setting made it all worthwhile and made me forget the other thousand faces surrounding me. The one smile I know, the smile on her face, a smile I could recognize among a thousand smiles.

Yet again the day had to come to an end, but not before a promise to return to this enchanted place, giving life to sleeping memories and giving birth to new paragraphs in this book called life.

For all of those who remembered my birthday, for all of the wonderful wishes I thank you my dear friends.

Pictures by Hotei ©

[LOVE] he wrote!

Static! he said, and guess he is right, I am hesitating when it comes to press the orange publish button. What's the point in writing posts? writing thoughts, then not finish the last line!. Guess this means that I am not feeling comfortable in my own skin any more. I think and ask myself, why I'm doing so? then I tell to myself wasn't this the reason I started this diary?.

Thinking of it, its true... I know he is right but guess there is much to learn, and we should have learnt this a long while ago.

Guess it was love that made me start... then later transformed (evolved) to something more deep, to something more personal, but it kept the same idea the same meaning. "Eclectic" at times but still it changed around the very same idea. Guess it changed with me as I grew, as I perhaps learned every time I stumbled, every time I choose a new path to walk.

Perhaps we have divided ideas about this or perhaps we see this trough a different lens, but guess our feelings are the same in the end.

I say...what is wrong in picking up the same theme? if every time its a different emotion I feel. Who wouldn't write down a deceleration on paper every time one feels butterflies in his stomach?. Every time one is dragged in a stranger eye...captured in a travellers smile...

Many times I promised my self not to write about love, but then there is always that one exception, that only one reason to just put a few words down. Guess some people make you heart beat faster even if you never looked straight in their face or heard their voice, or those other times when you thought you heard that capturing laugh resonating in you ear. That giggle that made you fall, and that smile that made you go so gaga uncountable times.

If you think about it, and you perhaps won't need to over work yourself about it you'll know how similar we are, how many times we crossed the same paths. Love with no returned feeling....love at a distance...love that was just a fickle dream...guess the reason must and will always be love....

Pictures by tumblr & google images 

Solitude

Ryuichi Sakamoto - Solitude

To you,
And for you,
Because...
You steal my heart
Capture my words
And posses my thoughts....







Solitude lingers.
A single note,
On the edge of a key.


Like your presence
When you are not with me.
A haunt to my sanity.


I feel your warmth
But you are not with me.
I hear your voice...
But you are not to hear me.


I am Only...


Quickly murmured Words,
Gentle While you sleep.
An Unspoken soft whisper,
A fragment of a dream.


Alone and pointless
Lingering, like solitude
On the edge of words
Hanging on to an over played key


Until....


With half a conscious smile towards me
You play that key into a melody 




This poem was gently whispered by C  Great thanks must go to her for sharing this with me. 
Thank you C 





Picture by tumblr  Music by Ryuichi Sakamoto Poem by C

Understanding

Once more they made their way into my dreams. Once again I have been awaken by murmurs inside my head. The uncontrollable urge to empty my mind. Now that I know there is no way back, there is no way to erase what's done. I can't just let them go, these unsaid words are to dear to me, to dear to let go...

How funny this is, funny... perhaps I should say awkward. Awkward, is a much suitable word to use.  Lately I been writing and writing every thought that crosses my mind. I been writing on every vessel that could carry my thoughts away.  Anything!, as long the surface was good enough to write on. Anything to stop the tormenting voices inside my head, voices of the words still unsaid. I know if I don't let them out they  cease to exist, and how can I do this to them, they did nothing wrong they were born for the single reason to preserve, to make her somehow listen more the words I never say. And how can I ever ignore them? these sweet nothings...

These sweet little noises, perhaps good to say more then just whispers. Not easy to let them out, I forced them down deep inside. Perhaps one day they will make more sense, perhaps one day she'll understand them more. Perhaps one day I will understand them more. Perhaps one day I will understand the same texts I write. Perhaps one day I will learn to read properly the language of my heart.

These words may not be worth enough to share, but maybe one day they will kiss air. Whispers gently carried by the air we breath. To make us understand more this sentiment that words enough can never explain.

I know she craves for more, I know it have become a drug that keeps her coming and wanting more. Not greed perhaps, more assurance that it was not a dream, not a figment of her imagination. I am sure words will spread, and once more words will be set free while she peeks in disguise...

This is you, the soft lullaby playing softly in my mind. 

Something I can't simply turn my back on. 

This is you, the clear image before my eyes. 

Something I can't just ignore. 

This is you, the gentile touch on my skin. 

Something I can feel and know is real. 

Picture by tumblr 

Everytime

...

This is not easy to explain, and not sure how am I suppose to react. For once in my life I had a place where I felt safe, a place where I could be me, a place that was mine. There I rested and shared what most was dear to me. Ho! but when I say dear I really mean it, the words that are trapped inside my head, sometimes eager to get out! other times must shake my head really hard to get them out, shy words I guess...

Words that are afraid to show, cause they think they are not worthy or insignificant. Not quite right I must say, not quite right she may think!. For me, like a "fountain of youth", it keeps my memory young, the image clear the scent of her crisp.

She needed not to know, she could read it all trough my eyes, if only she had a manual of how to use. Did she need a proof? something to hold on to? or just curiosity to clear what was uncertain to her?. Thought I was clear as glass, easy to see trough. Perhaps she needed more, of the little words I share.

Now she sleeps with a smile, but the kind I have rarely seen, not the one I was used to. A smile that emits satisfaction with a hint of pride, a pinch of selfishness a potion for disaster it read in my book. But no! I might have misspelled! I now look at sentiments more profound!.

When it comes to look at a blank screen I find it hard to type words, now that I know I caught the attention of her eyes. Afraid of not what she might find, but afraid her eyes will scare the words away. Words I so hardly sought, words I carefully picked, words I carefully saved from a certain loss!.

I say, there is no need to know more then she already know. There is no need to search the land she knows by heart as she discovered and brought to light every treasure there was to find. But we are humans, and humans doubt.

When you doubt yourself read me, when you doubt me leave me... everytime you need to be sure kiss me. Everytime you want me you know the way to find me, and when you get lost in this land you know, look for the map inside your heart.

For this I speak is an ode to love, as all I breath is love, tells love...show love...means love...

       

You now have the key to the secret garden, you can choose to keep it locked and preserve the balance that reigned within its high walls, you may choose to explore an let winter freeze the stories yet untold....

Picture by tumblr 

Unspoken

What if words were free?

Left to spread wild with the wind,

Would you listen more? 

What if we had no dreams to look forward to make when we lay to sleep?. 

What if we had no secrets to hold, would our dignity be left untouched?. 

What if all that we think is said, would that make a better world?.

Guess sometimes the safest place to be is inside your head. Words are kept secret for no one to hear. Inside my head I find my resting place among a million thoughts. I can pick up one word and turn it into anything I want, but only in my head. Words that are left unspoken are more powerful then the one I speak, you only have to learn to read. 

Words trapped inside a bottle, 

Words trapped inside my head, 

Words hidden to die unspoken 

But never to be forgotten 

Secret no more.....

I was never good with words, I was never good to speak. I was good with emotions, good to believe in our dream. I could talk how special you can be, I can shout it to the world.... 

Picture by google images 

Remember

We came to a point were we almost lost it all. It was not easy to go trough it all. We are weak, we get lost, we stumble and fall but we manage to find each other every time.  

Remember...

There was this time were we thought we could never do it, that we could never reach the goals we have set. Set our goals to hight, we thought... asked to much!. There was this time were we felt so small, so helpless and that we could never find a way out. Silly us... the answer was always there in front of us. The answer was us, our love, our hopes and dreams.

Remember...

Perhaps this is how it works, how it is all suppose to work. It takes time, we constantly grow and learn. The past taught me a lot on how to be a man, small daily stories safely stored in the meanders of my mind. I hold on tightly to my past good or bad as it may have been. Perhaps I cant let go of some things I wish I have left behind but guess if I still hold onto them it means they were important to me enough to not let go.

Remember...

Sweated all of our blood to come were we are today, perhaps somewhat wiser. Somehow somewhat better. Now I can see reflections of you in my future, I can see you waving to me from behind a glass as I write down my thoughts while watching sunset. Can hear you calling me within those walls. I can see you laying down on the bed beside me staring at the ceiling, I can feel you  reaching for me and wrapping your arms around me, feeling your warm breath on my neck. I can see me smile back at you, holding you, wanting more of you every single day.

Remember...

We can follow the trail we left along the path of time, We can inhale the scent we left behind, we can remember the touch of our lips on each others skin.




This is what I want to remember...

Picture by tumblr

Checkmate

Run away! Be gone!

All my feelings turned to rage

The spell is undone!

  How many times do I have to endure?...                    How many times do I have to walk these roads?...

Isn't it funny how things turn out to be... I craved so much for you in the past and you just kept saying the same cold no...

All of my love, all of my feelings, every little tiny bit of me craved for you. Now those past feelings turned to rage, everything that reminds me of you unleashes anger. Not regretting though... no this is not regret... how can I regret what once made me happy? how can I regret what made me the man I am today?.

Isn't it funny how things turn out to be... Now you are craving for me, for my heart, more then ever but I'll just say no...

You never thought you'll loose your own game, you never thought this boy would one day grow into a man only to find out and realising what a twisted game you played...

This quick note is not the end, its just a reminder to look back at for when my mind asks why or for when your lips ask me why... This is where our paths divide, this is where I say goodbye...this is where I take over the game....

Who are you?... who are you? to dare tell me you love me! is this part of your perfect plotted plan to assault my mind?. You can now play the old lullaby over and over, but my mind have now grown immune to its sound. I have learned to nod my head but will never listen... you'll never rule again.

Isn't it funny how this chapter has come to an end in the most unpredictable way? My pen drained enough precious ink over you...and my tears have long washed the blood stained paper on which I mourned your love on...

I confess my mistakes as many I did and I admit, I am far from perfect, I am far from good but at least I was true...

A continuation from the lights of Lisbon 

Picture by Hotei ©  

Feet in the sand

The wind blew strong yesterday somehow, somewhat coldish, its just like winter still wants to linger a bit longer here. The clouds hid the sun from us giving us only a glimpse of sunshine.  Still this did not stop us from meeting and yet again watch another sunset...

 

Everyday is a bonus, she mumbled to me again while dipping for the first time this year our feet in the cold waters. I wrapped myself warm in my blue cardigan, holding to it as the wind blew strong almost making us tumble. "come on! its not that cold" she said with a smirk on her face, she knows us islanders can't stand the cold. Thinking that last June we were already bathing in the same waters, and today we were shivering by just standing there looking at the mighty waves.  Looked back at Cassidy sitting on the sand all wrapped up trying to trap any heat wanting to escape trough the plastic cup that she was tightly holding in the palm of her hands. She gave us a grin and waved back to us.

"I'm so pleased I can be still here with you, this is what makes me go on, fighting time, making the most of the little I have left". What an amazing woman she is I thought, grateful for every breath she takes. I want to grow old just like her, holding no regrets, just memories dear to me, with the people I love and making the most while they are still here.

Walked along the beach already crowded with people trying to make the most of the little sun that escaped trough the cloudy sky. We made it next to Cassidy and shared a few smiles and a few chocolates snapping a few last shots to capture the beauty within that windy day, shared with people dear to me.

Left the beach with the promise to come back soon, to share more memories and even more smiles. It would have not been a complete day if not ended with a sunset. Watched it from home..our home..having tea with a soft whisper of a breeze promising  that summer will be here soon...

Pictures by Hotei ©

Perfect is just a myth

Mistakes...I have done a whole bunch of them in my life, but I always try not to regret any of them. I have come a long way since I have started this long journey. Now that I have come this far I feel more mature perhaps much stronger, my personality changed morphing my feelings for you with it.

Its funny how things turn out to be, everything happens when you least expect it to happen. I always told myself that the day I meet you I was just too early now that you decided to call my name I'm afraid you are simply to late. I know you don't believe me but I loved you even if I tasted your poison over and over again, and still I fell for you time and time again. I know you don't believe me but I'm ready to turn my back on you without ever looking back.

I am not sad, I am just angry. Angry for the way  I have been treated. For the many times I have been deceived, and for the fact that I let you deceive me in the first place. I can't hate you, no! I simply can't, but you do make me angry. Angry not with yourself but with my own self for believing in you and all of your lies. I believe you  even when I know you lie, guess this is what stupid sentiments lead to. Go on you can lie to me, pretend you really mean what you say.

You play the role of the one who is holy, making me look like I was the one who was wrong. But can't you see? now they know it was you all-along. I am ready to face the mistakes I commit, but I'll be taking you down with me making you choke and drown in your own contradictions and lies.

I know you don't believe me but if you ever need me I be there, this is how much important you have been to me. I have been here before, so now I know the game you play, and besides the game is not fun if we'r not two to play. So don't try to force words down my throat this time, I'm not a child any more. Long I have learned that perfect does not exist...

How does it feel now that you lost your king's throne?

We constantly learn, we learn from those who show us to be better and we learn even more from those who want us to be worst by showing us what wrong is. 

Picture by tumblr (Attaining Nirvana) 

Reminiscences...

 I lost count on how many times I promised not to write about  you... 

But how can you drown the will to put a stop to the constant loss of those sweet memories...

 I lost count on how many times I promised not to think of you... 

 But how can you not think, when everything reminds me of you...  

 I lost count on how many times I promised not to dream of you...

 But who can ever decide what one dreams... 

I know you wish me to be gone, but yet I know something holds you back from leaving the thought of me behind. Darling you delivered your bleeding heart to me, but I was simply too scared to hold your hand. God knows how much it hurt me to see you depart, and God knows how hard it was to force my lips shut and utter no sound.

I have tried to ignore this feeling but yet something pulls me back to you over and over again. I promise that I will never shatter your world again, not for fear to break my own as mine turned to ashes the day you turned your back and walked away...far...without ever looking back.

How can you deny there was love where once there was emptiness... now it hurts even more to know we drown our feelings to deny each other...thus we do.

Alas, you had to leave, I will not weep for you today, but will shed a tear of joy as gratitude for coming into my life and fill it with short happy moments....moments I'll treasure trough my whole life.

Darling you came into my life faster then thunder and then left even more fast. You did not stay long into my life, but just long enough to leave your imprint on this thick skinned man.  

Darling I send you my love and a reminder that I'll always be here for you now and always... 

Picture by tumblr 

Sail me to shore

Katie Melua - If You Were A Sailboat

Last year this time we were planing how our life would have change in a year or so. Much have changed but we are still far from the goals we've set, far yet so close...

Guess all we have to do is to keep believing in the dreams we shared, we still share them after all. One day soon...very soon I hope... will become a reality.

Last year this time we walked down a sandy beach while the cool wind from the sea caressed our faces warmed by the soft sun of May. Our heart beating fast like a steam engine trying to catch up our breath  as we reached the shore...and feel the cold waters upon our feet. 

I remember it all as if it was only yesterday. Spent hours looking at a sailing boat gently rocking in the sea. And  we wondered how it would feel to be a sail-boat and wander from shore to shore. Wouldn't it be lovely?...

I remember the cold waters on our naked feet as we ran all the way back acting like kids again, or perhaps cause I fell in love again in that very moment...and yet again time seemed to have stopped. 

Thought it would have been a day just like every other ordinary day..walking silently along the sea hand in hand, perhaps...not uttering any word, letting a smile..a smirk transmit our feelings. 

Wouldn't it be lovely...if we could sit again on the same moist red sand sharing the beach with no one. And wouldn't it be lovely to find again the memories we left behind...I dearly keep these images of us, the beach, and that calm sail-boat almost enchanting on that perfect day. 

If you were a sail-boat I'll sail you to the same safe shore, I'll sail you safe through the storms. Not afraid of the high waves and the violent winds as they will blow me to this enchanted place, making me forget what we have just been through. I don't mind as long I'll have you. 

We soon had to go, the day got fast short, and we were no longer alone. But just before we turned our back, a last stare,  waved goodbye to that sail-boat promised we be back again to that very same shore, perhaps on another perfect day... 

For the words I never say, the feelings many times I don't show.

Bust just because I don't shout them out to the entire world it doesn't mean I don't love you... 

Thank you my love for reading my mind and understanding me even if many times my lips don't let out the words you expect to hear...

Pictures by Hotei 

Lyrics & music Katie Melua 

Humming the same old melody...

Katie Melua - Mary Pickford

I'm just a man with dreams, simple!, ordinary dreams, but these are the dreams that make my world as it is, myself as I am. Me... in my good days and bad days, good or bad as I may be. I may open my mind and write down my emotions in a few lines, trying to find a way to feel lighter; hoping, working and striving for these dreams to become a reality. I think of myself as a character in a book engaging new adventures with every line that I read, overcoming  obstacles, meeting new characters  discovering more with every page I read in this story I call life.....



For the past two weeks I have been working on the last few renovations left in our apartment. Many times I be just alone in the empty rooms, only me and the thoughts in my head, and the awaiting dreams within those walls...those walls that are already saturated with dreams, some of them shattered and others that I want to hold onto. These are the dreams and memories I want to share with you....



A recent memory I be holding on is the one that happened today, guess this is what make people fall deep in for each other...the capability to share memories trough time, to be able to look back and say we done this together, we have over come that together, even if many times some things are left unsaid...like we are afraid to utter words to express feelings, but the beauty within life is that sometimes we can say a thousand word without talking....a look, a smile can tell a million things....

"Mary Pickford used to eat roses 

Thought that they'd make her beautiful and they did, 

one supposes.. "

 ...I hum, when I be standing on the stool trying to re-give glory to the old iron doors. Simply painting I find it to be almost therapeutic, it calms me and makes me feel happy....

"Douglas Fairbanks, he was so handsome,

He wore a moustache, 

Must-a had much cash, too,

Worth a king's ransom..."

  

...Well I be alone when singing, not everyone can appreciate talent or recognise a good voice when they hear it, if you get my drift...

"Charlie Chaplin, he was invited, 

When these artists became united..."

...Today I was not alone, Cass came along and helped me with the works. Time goes by faster when you have company and exchange a few words...or a smile perhaps... 

"David Griffith worked as an extra, 

Then as a stage-hand, 

Until they let him be

A director"

... Therapeutic yes! if done for a short while that is...after a few hours or better say days it is not even remotely calming and I find it of not any benefit at all...

"Dave was brave, a mover and shaker,

A true pioneer,

He seemed to show no fear, 

A real film maker"

....Made my self a coffee....coffee always makes the trick. Wandered in the empty rooms thinking of just nothing holding my brown hot mug in my hand, when I heard a soft hum...walked towards the familiar tune, there she was, with that sweet soft grin on her face...reminding me why I fell in love with her...

"They tied the knot together, 

Groom and bride couldn't hide their pleasure,

They tried to pick fair weather, 

But love died, didn't last forever"

...It is strange yet fascinating how she picked the same song I always sing when I'm alone...Thought I was dreaming...no it was real...real like the memory I be holding of this day....

"Mary Pickford used to eat roses, 

Thought that they'd make her beautiful and they did, 

One supposes......"

...

Written down as a reminder as I constantly grow... love, perhaps unspoken and for the things I leave unsaid....to you my lovely sweet inspiration. Thank you to be the simple you, I happen to love very much that simple you....yours Hotei.

Picture by Hotei

Music   & lyrics by Katie Melua