Dear Diary

Dear diary... today Sunday 15th July, I felt emotionally destructed, I am feeling broken beyond repair .... I had so much on my mind that I couldn't sleep...I kept on thinking on what we said......and about my cold attitude, although  I meant nothing of what I said...but dear, you are not allowed to know any of this! .....this day will remain frozen in my head for ever.

Dear diary....today Tuesday 25th July, ten days  passed since I said goodbye ....I feel much better today, and I think I am ready to let it go, once and for all ...at least deep inside I hope so ..or wish so...

I have so much to learn from this, so much happened, so much to regret, so much to cherish....Forget ? No! I don't want to forget, although it have been painful, I have way to many nice memories to look back at .....

I was strong for almost a week ...but  ....one time ...I was weak!! I wanted so badly to see your smile again ..secretly looked up at your pictures on facebook ...when will you decide to put security up? hope soon ...hope never ......

Only God knows many times I wondered if I ever crossed your mind..even for a second....one thing I am concerned about is that since I said goodbye...you never updated none of your profiles....some how I'm worried, has something happened to you?

Dear Diary...last week right after the day I said farewell .......I was tired beyond imagination ...been awake almost 26 hours  ...but promised Cassidy that we will go to a festival, and a promise is a promise....

Year after year we joined our friends to this festival... it have become a yearly tradition! Everyone was there  except for Tory, I hope she shows up!! will she?.......I reached for my phone and texted her...
                                                                                                                               

"Hey Tory I be at the festival.....shall I see you there?" 

                      "Hey Hotei!!! I'm on my way..."


I felt empty...walked without a pattern... wondered and wondered among the stalls....I was to tired....to think....to tired to pick up just one thought as tiny as it may be...

As I was looking at the distant lights of the city below...  savouring a glass of red .. suddenly Tory came  ......Hotei !! she called......Tory hugged me and hugged her back squeezing her tight...
It was nice that she came too.."haven't seen you in ages" I said!!
"Its like we'r not living on the same island" she replied smiling.

Now our group got larger! way to many ..I was too tierd to keep track of what was going on and what was being said....and besides was not really interested in what was being said my head was elsewhere. 

Tori held my hand and slowly dragged me away ..then she walked faster.....then she started running ...... laughing as she looked back at me........then she stopped, and said "what about Cassidy? ...what if she see us now?" 
"and what are we doing wrong?" I replied! she smiled back at me and started walking again....

We found our selves in a relatively quiet area...I sat on the edge of the bastions looking at the crowd....

You started to open your self bout the girl you where falling for how confusing and frustrating this is. ..asking me if I  could understand this....If only you knew how much I do .no one more then me could understand you more. I have been hiding all this deep inside only God knows how many times I tried to tell you..or even hint what was going inside my head ...sharing how broken I feel dear Tory you are the only one I can ever trust..

"How much I wish I could share what I have been through dear Tory...I know you are the only one that could understand what I feel.....I've been pretending this was not real.....but the pain I feel is ..."

Dear diary you know?  we're part of a story, part of a tale....we're all on this journey called life....sometimes beautiful and sometimes insane....but whatever we do is never in vain.....and no one is to know the way.......

Hotei!! found you at last......