Her smile still lingers

"Back from my two day retreat, have to admit I definitely needed two days away from it all!. No phone no Internet and no TV .. nothing at all !!. Weather had no mercy on us, as it was really cold and windy, plus we had constant showers of rain and hale!. But all considered it was fun and had time to think and most important rest!"

I laid in bed early the first night, perhaps it was the long day and the couple of glasses of port wine that made me feel heady. Was waken up by a loud sound of thunder early in the morning maybe a little past midnight, stood up and walked to the balcony to look outside in the darkness. Looked down but could barely see a thing... to dark!. Darkness only broken by the blinding flashes in the distance right over the sea, a storm was heading our way, but I felt pretty safe and warm in my room. Pulled the curtains closed shut and went back to bed and tucked myself very well under the covers. It took a few minutes for my eyes to get used to the dark, but then shadows and reflections started to re-emerge slowly again. Stared at the ceiling  listening to the silence of the night disturbed only by the sound of the howling wind and the sound of the rain. 

  I thought and wondered as I could not help it, all of the happenings that happened  these past months, how much I have been trough.

 I looked to my left and watched her sleep with a smile on her face, turned facing her and closed my eyes to hear her breath. Reached for her hand and held it in mine, somehow she seemed to know I was holding her hand and moved closer to me resting her head on my pillow, close enough to be able to feel her warm breath on my shoulder. I could not look away from the sight of her deep in her sleep, I wondered what she was dreaming about, what made that smile appear on her face?. Kissed her on her forehead, the more I looked to her in her sleep the more I wondered... suddenly felt an urge to write! I wanted to get it of my chest...but my lap was back at home, so I tried to release my mind from these thoughts...

Guess I somehow felt asleep and woke up a few hours later at around 3 AM, She was holding me from my waist with her both arms, tried to turn to face her but I was afraid to wake her up, so I stood still. Again, thoughts and feelings started to come back to me, I wondered if it was right to hide it all from her. Months ago I was ready to tell her everything but then, I thought better not, as the world and life we are used to will have to change, perhaps in an unrepairable way. But who am I to make such a choice? Who am I to alter this?. 

"A year ago I wanted to have a world of my own...now I want you part of this world...but I'm afraid to show who I have become...so sleep well my dear keep that smile on your face....keep dreaming the sweet dream your dreaming...".

It will always be me, no matter what name or face I hide behind...I am just looking at the world from a different perspective. Now...I'm actually listening...listening and listening  to the sound of silence that is still.  

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