Have to be honest with my self I did feel discouraged and sometimes angry for the happened events, but nether Cassidy and me had the power to change the events that happened, we could only hope for better days. Life went on to its usual pace, Cassidy had started working with an international firm and I went on with my busy..busy almost crazy work!. Somehow we did find time to meet, even if it was for just a few minutes a day, but at least we were lucky we could exchange a hug...a kiss...a smile....
During this period of time I had become master of organisation! I planned every minute so that I could have an exact amount of free time to share with Cassidy. Looking back I now can't believe I actually managed to find free time! I'm not able to do that any more!!.
One day... Cassidy looked pretty sad and worried I asked what was the matter but she said it was all fine..I did not buy it, but I thought I wont bother her to much with my questions.
Met a friend and then back home we went, just before she stepped out of the car Cassidy turned to me and asked me..."do you love me Hotei?" I smiled and replied "sure I do silly!" she kept a serious face and asked me again "but will you love me always?" I smiled again to her and kissed her and softly said "I do...always will" then she bursted out in tears. I tried to calm her down and kept asking her what was the matter... then she started muttering something I could not understand, I could just hear her now deep rough sobbing...some how she calmed down looked at me and said "I...Think I'm pregnant Hotei...". I smiled at her and told her it was OK....we both knew what we where doing and that we both wanted it...so it was all going to be fine..we can do this as well....it might not be easy but together we will over come anything!. Kissed Cassidy again and again over and over. "Now better get some rest" I told her. We will talk again in the morning I said while playing with her hair. She smiled and walked away. Turned on the engine started driving away slowly.then I could not hold any more ...tears came down my face..I felt destructed pulled on the side of the road... I was now not able to see the road clearly....what I was going to do now? how can I be father? I don't have time to be one...I don't want to be an absent father...I want to be there!.....
Days passed and a couple of weeks too...I kept on thinking about it..I was constantly thinking...how I could ever do this?.... although I was in a very bad shape I tried to hide my feelings that I had from Cassidy..I must appear strong and in control!. Perhaps about 18 days later from the episode I received a message from Cassidy saying that there was nothing to worry about..it was a"false alarm" she called it!!.
It was a relief but yet I was getting pretty exited about the idea of becoming a father..I must admit!.
You weren't prepared to be a father...
ReplyDeleteIt's a commitment to life, and you weren't prepared at that time and neither you are for it now.
One day, that time will come.
But not for now! :P
yeah... I must admit, I am not ready at all :P and the more I grow the more I can't picture my self to be one ...but I guess I can always have a 4 paws baby! xD
ReplyDeleteI agree with that! :D
DeleteA cat would be great for you! ^^
lool yes!! :P
ReplyDeleteI wrote a comment here last night using my phone, and realised I wasn't logged in on my google account...and I do not remember my password,as recently I changed all my passwords cos I think someone been hacking all my emails and fb.
Deleteanyways--as I wrote last night--when I got pregnant, I was already married, and I always wanted to have children of my own, but I was only 24 then, didn't know what to expect, but you learn as you go along...but I think my biggest nightmare would be for my children to get pregnant (or make someone pregnant) before they even reach 18...
Well dear Cecille I was 22 back then, so I was not that young, I have to add that I was NOT ready for such a commitment back then...and neither I am now I'm afraid...Back then I thought I'd live a little before making the big step..now I'm here still paying for the choices I'v made...
DeleteTo be honest "call me old fashion or conservative" If I had children that would be a fear I'll have them having children while they are still too young...I been in the situation far to many times (could not list how many times this happened... how many times I hear the phrase I'm pregnant!!...too young ...to passionate I guess!!)
Thanks a lot dear cecille for your comment I do appreciated...:)
I think all teens have raging hormones, and can't be bothered using protection, they're horny rather than passionate I guess...:)
DeleteI'm very old fashioned, coming from a Catholic School, I do not agree with pre-marital sex when I was young...I am trying to explain this to my children, (to save themselves) but if they'll ever do it, they must use protection, I do not agree with abortion either.(depends on circumstances)
lool you made me laugh out loud here! wanted to be polite in my answer without using the word "Horny" but yes your right that is the exact word .....Raging hormones! guess back then our hormones had an overdose of redbull!! xD
ReplyDeleteit is important to teach and explain about these things to our children...I was never shown or no one ever explained anything to me ! my family is very catholic and every thing is a Tabo for them...