Brand New

It was not you, not the person I know, somehow you looked different, somehow you looked lost. Your eyes seamed to be drained from the life they used to transmit. Somehow I can feel your pain, and somehow I wish I had words to comfort you. Silence ruled where once laid laughs, stillness where once there was life.

Tonight We'll dance,

Tonight we'll drink

Tonight you'll sing,

Tonight you'll forget.

Forget what it have been said, tonight its the night to erase. I know how hard it was to pick up your mask, long it have been since you last wore your emotionless veil. Behind that porcelain mask, emotions go trough, the mask can hide, but not your glassy eyes.

Pick up your shards, 

Tonight you'll heal,

Show the world that you are not afraid,

As human feel when hearts are chipped. 

Trapped in the moment between being awake neither asleep, confusing the two... when you realise that you are asleep you force more your eyes to shut, for you find it safe to be there. But dear this is not a dream, and I'm afraid the time for you to open your eyes has come.

Tonight you'll sing,

Tonight you'll dance.

Tonight you'll sleep,

 To wake to a new dawn.

Your world was build for him, your world was "he". Perhaps an illusion a fickle dream, like a child you wished it to be real, but in this life dreams tear. and we'll ask why do we have to wake?... But why deny your feelings tonight, why hide behind your still mask?. Don't be afraid of what lays ahead, don't sob your actions, stop this mourning pain you hold to, as tonight your brand new. Don't look for answers in others heart beat as not everybody's heart beat the same.

Tonight forget the pain tonight forget the tears,

Tonight your unchained tonight your brand new.

My world is only you,

My world is new without you.

Picture by tumblr

Siren to the sea

To me, you are as beautiful as the sea.

And like a siren cast ashore,

I heed your call. 

... 

I have watched your many faces change.

The still glassy calmness on the surface. 

The rough, troubled waters further deep. 

And I have decided that I love them all.  

For you are the one I belong to, my love.

I have watched, countless times from beneath  

This distorting film of water, those ships... 

Floating thoughts, which I could never read.   

Though I swam,hoping to see, yet only to know, 

Before I reached the shore, that I could not resist 

The hushing sound of your lullaby.. 

The waves, lapping soft, to caress my skin...

The gentle breeze at your soothing side... 

I could only see, that I could watch, forever, 

Those ships...dreams and memories, pulling me in 

For even if, I cannot understand, 

I'm still enthralled...captivated, my sea.

Only within you do I come to life. 

Carry me away, sweet surrender, to your tide.

Thanks to C for sharing this poem with me. 

Picture by Hotei ©

Whispered by C 

The stoic's pain

Trough the flicking candles and soft lullaby's that filled the warm air, clear of every thought and wearing my best smile, looked like nothing could interfere on this surreal night . A giggle, a wink, a secret whispered into an ear. The night was just at the start and we just wanted more...

"You show no feelings as you wonder trough the crowd,

 Erased your memory by time, I thought,

 But shadows of you appear as I walk. 

No one can see you, invisible to the eye. 

Only in my imagination you appear. 

Like a fickle dream, while I'm awake..."

The sound of clinking glasses and the aroma of sweet liquor pervaded the air. Dance, sing, come closer it read on their eye, innocence will be lost tonight...

"I held my breath when I thought I recognised your face. 

Followed the image until it faded away.

It makes me ask, how have you travelled so far across?..."

Rose turned the air, and the sound of the world almost turned still, only the daring sweet smell of lost youth lingered crawling up the walls. Slowly they made their way into the narrowing streets finding refuge away from the curious eye, of those like me that never had seen...

"I smile with satisfaction when you flatter me.

Like any other would be.

Sweet sounds your voice for those who starve.

I just beg you, not to feed on me..." 

Make's you ask the question how naive I could be, in my world these were only wild fantasies. Tick tock goes the clock, we mocked time like this moment would last forever, tick tock goes the clock, until the first light of the day... Cinderella did not leave at the stroke of 12... she choose to ignore, instead of retreating, more and more joined the dark ball...

"You speak of love, but you feel none.

Hoo you speak of love but you don't know what it means. 

You speak of my love, as you know what I feel... 

For love it is not what you seek...

Hoo dear you, the stoic is craving for love..."

Entangled in a dance ignoring the crowd, both locked in each others glare, passion... as fluids exchanged. Heavy their breath became when faster the music played. Intoxicated by the smell of the awaiting flesh, more and more he bagged to her, with just a smirk she kept feeding the flame within.

"Inebriated by your poison that slowly infiltrated trough my skin. 

Your presence made itself trough the crowd unnoticed, 

Or they choose to just ignore playing the indifferent role...."

More! he whispered to the air, more he wished to have, more.. more.. more, greedy as rebel youth can be.

"What it will take to satisfy your sick appetite? 

What more you want of me?

hoo scavenger of the innocence...

Don't take the last hope away from me..."  

Dance, drink and dare till the first ray of light, then back to the dark narrowing streets where shadows reigned and the music never ceased.....

"Your monument stands high above every other.

It makes them look small, insignificant and weak. 

But yours is the one who's crumbling 

Now the stoic twitches with fear..."

...

Your indifference will soon revolt against you, and you will learn what pain means, what abandonment feels like... and the stoic will finally learn the meaning of feel...

Picture by Hotei ©

Thank you

A small tribute to you my friend, for the lovely wishes and thoughtful gifts...

Picture by hotei ©

Sail me back home

The dreams we shared are slowly taking shape. Worked so hard to achieve the goals we've set and finally we are so close to collect the fruits from the plants that we planted a few years back. Collecting the fruits will not result in the end but hopefully just the start.

Time is going on by without giving us the time to realise, last June I was mourning a love (a friendship) that could and never be part of my life. Came across more then just emotions, my path kept crossing more and more people, some of them readers that perhaps wanted to know the face behind this mask. Or others, that felt like they knew me for a long while, from here I send all of my love to you all my dear friends.

Working to hard you told me. Well I don't mind I always reply, as long as the result shows, in the end that makes it all worthwhile working for, no matter how hard that might turn out to be.

...

"All work and no play makes jack a dull boy you told me with a grin on your face, and besides its your birthday you deserve it... Hoo what a day that was".

...

The sun was shining in its full glory, but yet a soft cold breeze kept making us hold back from calling it summer. You held on tightly to my arm as we set sail to the north, the waves gently rocked our boat while the  golden sun shimmered on the water somehow making us feel almost dizzy. Your eyes picked up notes from the golden strokes reflected on the waves making that moment even more enchanting.

Reached for my hand as we stared at the deep blue water making us question if what we had in front of us was real or just a figment of our imagination. The water kept calling us, inviting us to play with the cheeky waves. The waves were at times  teasing us  trying to reach our feet hanging down from behind the railing. Not long we were over come by the wanting, to feel the salty water on our skin, making us regret it the minute we dipped our toes in the freezing water.

Among a thousand people, giggles, laughs and smiles only one face was familiar to me, the only face I could see, the only face I know. It reminded me of a passed perfect day while we shivered in the icy crystal clear waters. Yet the setting made it all worthwhile and made me forget the other thousand faces surrounding me. The one smile I know, the smile on her face, a smile I could recognize among a thousand smiles.

Yet again the day had to come to an end, but not before a promise to return to this enchanted place, giving life to sleeping memories and giving birth to new paragraphs in this book called life.

For all of those who remembered my birthday, for all of the wonderful wishes I thank you my dear friends.

Pictures by Hotei ©