Happy Easter

Living on an island that is highly conservationist many times got it downsides. You are obliged to follow a certain protocol. Catholicism is the main religion and with it comes another set of rules. With Easter comes the lent period. I cannot consider myself as a believer and follower of these costumes, but I do love to go around villages and be able to savour the traditional "Lent food" and watch the processions that are held all over the island.

The atmosphere is saturated with the smell of incense and burning candles that overwhelm the place, most of the people (the older generation) wear black as a sign of mourning, as are the half mast flags.

I am not a believer, I admit!. I have my ways to celebrate these days and I give a twist to this rigid traditions.
As it happens for many years now Tory, Cass and a few others including me of course, meet on Thursdays evening till midnight, as mourning will start right after  the stroke of midnight.

This year was not of any difference, except that we introduced our twist of the costumes to Tory's sweetheart. All of us loved the smell of incense that pervaded the air, mixed with the pungent smell of sweet bread still warm out of the oven, fried dumplings, date fritters and the aroma of spiced coffee all savoured right there while wandering from stall to stall in the candle light lit narrow streets.

The night was to short and the crowd made it almost impossible to have a proper conversation.  Guess there was to much going on to focus on just one thing. When out of the blues Tory wrapped her arms around me and said "my Alvin" (yeah...she nick named me Alvin just like Alvin and the chipmunks, don't ask me why!). Haven't met Tory for a long while now and many times I worry how is she doing. I am afraid that she falls in love to easily and many times this makes her suffer, hope this time is different, I do think its different from the look in her eyes, I can tell there is something more then her past lovers. I just hope that this feeling is  reciprocated. I could never forget Chris for hurting her, she's important to me, she was always there for me and I will always be there for her.


My dear friends I wish you a Happy Easter wherever you are on this globe!. This is the season of hope, may it bring peace to you and all the people you love.

...Happy Easter...

Picture by google

An award caught in a web!

Hello everyone! 

I must thank Michelle from the Blog Vintagecobweb  for nominating me for the Fabulous blog award!. 

I must say that I was trilled to receive such a nomination!. Its always good to know that there are people who actually bother to stop and take their time to read your blog, even if many times is not a great work of   literature, but HEY I'm  doing my best to improve my English!. 

Wisely Michelle did not include any rules with this award, which comes as a relief  to say the truth, as these days don't have much time to write and be able to follow what is going on in the blog world.

Thank you very much indeed  Michelle, its an honour to accept this award!. 

Pictures by google images

  

A hasty decision (part2)

For days after my arrival back home I avoided any contact with Guga, I was now sure of my feelings for Cassidy, I love her. I am sure, I do. I don't have the remote doubt about it.  Still, I wanted to know what was that feeling pressing upon my chest, why Guga would not leave me  alone... Why he constantly invaded my dreams.... 

To walk toward the decision I made was not easy, I have tried to control my feelings, but one cant undone or turn off his feelings. It takes time. Sometimes it never heals, it remains a constant at the back of our heads and sometimes it comes back to the surface without any warning, leaving us in denial.

Not sure if it was just a coincidence,  faith or destiny, but whatever it was, I found it to be cruel, a sick joke played by an unknown uncontrollable force. 

I could not ignore this soft murmur, this constant call in my head. It came to me just like a shadow, a light breeze still holding a residue of his voice. A lullaby that played the same tune over and over. I wished them to stop, leave me alone, let me rule my own thoughts again.

There was only one way to stop this haunting. I must go look for the answer to this question there were it was born. But leaving towards the black unknown felt like the hardest decision  I ever made in my life. As hard as it would have been saying to Cassidy that I would be leaving for a while, a goodbye would make it even more difficult. She wouldn't let me go and I wouldn't be able to release her from my last embrace, even if I knew it would have not been the very last. Watching her waving goodbye would just be to much to take.

Picture by  google images 

A hasty decision...

Only God knows how much I prayed, only God knows what kind of thoughts passed trough my head. I was on the verge of insanity. How could have this happen to me? how? and why?. I always thought I knew what I wanted from my life, I was sure I knew. But there I was, lost and confused.

I needed time to be alone, to think things over. I wanted to be away from everyone and everything. But its hard when you have commitments, and even harder when the farther you can be is just a few km away, and most probably or eventually will meet or bump into someone you know to remind you of who you are and where you come from, these are the disadvantages of living on an island measuring 14/27 km!.

For days I avoided opening my laptop and for days I heard this voice coming out of it calling my name and asking me to go back. I was going mad.

Then a godsend!, my friend from the UK invited Cass and me to stay over her house for a few days. I accepted without any hesitation, and Cass looked quite trilled too to the idea. The invitation came at the right time and moment, it was what the both of us needed.

I left the voices in my head back home and left to the quiet of the English countryside. It was what I needed, it was what the both of us needed. At the back of my head Guga was still a constant, but everyday that passed he felt distant and even more distant. It was like, I could see clearly again, he was still lingered in my head but I felt like I knew what was happening to me. I felt somehow, some what reborn!. It felt good...

Extended my stay by 4 more days, travelled south to London, and booked a lovely room in a small hotel, situated in the centre (for those who knows the TV series upstairs downstairs, it was one of those old mentions renovated and turned to boutique hotels). Very romantic, we had all the time and quiet we needed and wanted.

Loved to hear you breath while you sleep..

Loved to feel your warm breath on my chest...

Waking beside you...warm..

while outside was cold....

Listening to the rain while we both felt into deep sleep...

On my return home I knew what I wanted to do..... I knew it was a very hasty decision, but I was sure I wanted to do it!. There was no other options, and I felt like it was my  make me or break me decision...this would have been the final answer, I would have all of the answers I needed or simply loose everything I had . All that I wanted to know would have come to me, only...would it be all the same? and would I take it? and mostly important, what will Cassidy think?....would we survive this as-well?...

Its not always easy to share, to be continued ...

Pictures by tumblr and Hotei.

Shards of you

You came at dusk

                                        to leave me at dawn, 

in between we dreamt 

                                    endless fantasies... 

                                          

                       

If I close my eyes

I'll see you there 

you never leave 

I trapped you here 

What made me fall

Was just the start

Not that it hurt

And not even bled

It consumed my remaining sanity

Maybe today will be the day 

Or its not the time yet, 

For days and months I strayed 

Just to hold you 

A moment, a sight 

If only dusk could hold you 

I wish dawn never comes 

Somehow I just know 

That you never love me 

But I'll live In a dream  

In this dream, wish I never wake

I slowly watched my self go 
I was held trapped by you 

Helpless I just stared at you 

And you just stared at me from distance 

Counting the days to meet you

Fly away to a place unknown 

Just before dusk 

A place no one knows my face 

You came at dusk

                                       To leave me at dawn,

In between we dreamt 

                                   Endless fantasies... 

I had to do what I had to do, I could not wait for it to come to me, standing with arms wide open waiting for a sign, a movement. It could have taken forever or perhaps, never to happen....

Picture by tumblr. 

Just like in my dream...first picture to come up this morning...I'm afraid  I know where this is...

destiny once more...