Shards of you

You came at dusk

                                        to leave me at dawn, 

in between we dreamt 

                                    endless fantasies... 

                                          

                       

If I close my eyes

I'll see you there 

you never leave 

I trapped you here 

What made me fall

Was just the start

Not that it hurt

And not even bled

It consumed my remaining sanity

Maybe today will be the day 

Or its not the time yet, 

For days and months I strayed 

Just to hold you 

A moment, a sight 

If only dusk could hold you 

I wish dawn never comes 

Somehow I just know 

That you never love me 

But I'll live In a dream  

In this dream, wish I never wake

I slowly watched my self go 
I was held trapped by you 

Helpless I just stared at you 

And you just stared at me from distance 

Counting the days to meet you

Fly away to a place unknown 

Just before dusk 

A place no one knows my face 

You came at dusk

                                       To leave me at dawn,

In between we dreamt 

                                   Endless fantasies... 

I had to do what I had to do, I could not wait for it to come to me, standing with arms wide open waiting for a sign, a movement. It could have taken forever or perhaps, never to happen....

Picture by tumblr. 

Just like in my dream...first picture to come up this morning...I'm afraid  I know where this is...

destiny once more...

There where the grass is greener?

I felt like no longer she looked at me the same way as before, I felt she was getting distant and more distant as days went on. Perhaps it was just me or just in my head, but the thing is, that I felt uncomfortable with this situation, and the more days that passed the stronger this feeling became. Now what I promised to my self seemed to be distant, the person I tried to forget and avoid felt like he was what I wanted, what I needed back then, he felt warm even if he was distant, and Cassidy felt cold even when we made love.

I was sure I love her, but I was not sure I loved her the same way as before. We have been trough so much in the past years, we had our happy moments our sad moments, we smiled... we laughed... we cried...we painted this life together starting from a blank canvas, but I felt like I was not the author of the painting, I simply could not see  myself in it any more.

I wished I had time to think things over, but I could not take for ever. After all I felt like it would be selfish of me to do so, must not forget I was not alone feeling this way, I was more then just sure.

Guga kept me trapped under his spell for months, he gave me all that back then I needed, from attention to care. But he could not offer love, he never did since the beginning, he just offered me an escape route just that, all the rest was just in my head, just an illusion,  I wanted just an acknowledgement but he never gave me that. At least I knew were he was standing and where his feelings would lead him...I did not know where mine would lead me!. 

The day I told Guga I might be falling for him even if I never met him in person was the day that the relationship started to change. He never looked for love, or if he secretly was, he never shared that with me, after all he was a reserved person. From that day our encounters started to diminish, to the point I started to forget how his voice sound, how his face looked like. Only my thoughts of him never changed.

It was the time when I realised and started asking the question to myself...what was I doing?.
I felt used and mentally abused, I let him do this to me, filling me up with his sweet words, making me feel good about my self...I could not hate him for that....no I couldn't...

I tried my best to avoid any contact with him and just ignored all of his messages, I wanted to take control back of  my life and my emotions. No more I left him be the ruler of my dreams...



...at least I tried.

Picture google images

Light

Thought that I was strong, but falling for you felt to sweet and to good...

With the days that passed Guga infiltrated deeper and deeper in my mind and well under my skin. I tried to ignore him, refuse to believe what my mind was telling me. I wanted to be true to Cassidy, but I feared she will never understand so I  buried these feeling even deeper.

I hated my self to let me fall for him, I tried to ignore him,  walk away, but this was not possible. Leaving him behind forcing myself to make me forget him, forcing myself to find something wrong within him, I even started building up possibilities of my own to make me turn my mind away from him. But ....his face, his words....I could not just ignore. Guga followed me and kept calling my name and I followed.

Then an obsession, a constant image in my head, violently invading my thoughts, I wanted to know more, I wanted to know who and why this person was invading my thoughts. I wanted to know or find something that would have made me hate him, to give me a reason to cut off this relation, and burn the bridges that connected us.

I wanted to make sure this person was for real. I wanted to know everything about him. Secretly I looked up for him on the web...

For days I looked and searched using the little information I had, then when I was sick and tired of it and about to give up... information started to emerge.

First a picture then a second name, then a university a working place...slowly was building an image of who this Guga was, I realised that all that he shared was real.  I felt so bad  to have doubted him, to have not believed.

I now knew all about him his family, working place, friends and favourite places to hang. This obsession devoured  every thing else...he was a constant in my head. He could not leave...he wouldn't leave..and I wouldn't let him go.... it was now to late to go back.

No more I walked away, Stranded and tired I let my self fall into destiny's hands....  

Picture by tumblr 

Thank you Kuma, Fahima and Nina.

My dear listeners of whispers, here I am again presenting you with a challenge and an award!.

The challenge was presented to me by Kuma form the blog
Virgulas do Destino .

And the award for the very inspiring blogger award was presented by Fahima from the blog      Walking in the woods  

And to my surprise a second Very inspiring blogger award presented to me by Nina from the blog Nothing 



I must take this opportunity to thank them for thinking of me and my blog, and I must not forget you my dear listeners of whispers that come visit and follow this humble corner of the web.

The Honesty Game

The mentioned challenge is as follows, one question is asked and one must reply to it in the most honest way possible.

Now the question is in Portuguese, so for those like me that are incapable of reading and speaking Portuguese I had mine translated!. 

 If the person you love says she is in love with another person what would you say?

Now this is a tough one!.  The first answer that come to my mind is a simple I don't know but this wont leave much room for discussion doesn't it?. I am a person quite open minded and as many of you might know as my readers and followers I have been in such situation!, not that I am proud of it but life have played these tricks on me a few times. Many times I was on the verge of "insanity" the much I thought about this subject (only in reverse!).

If the love of my life tells me she is in love with another person, I would probably freak out at first, then most probably 99.9% I would calm down faster then it have started. I would probably understand or not understand but pretend to understand (pretty confusing isn't it?)or make my utmost to understand why and how.

The answer of this question in my opinion resides in the question itself!

 If the person you love says she is in love with another person what would you say?

 "If the person you love" if I love this person other sentiments will get involve with love itself  such as jealousy!, perhaps anger, and why not dare say a hint of possession!. But if I love this person wouldn't I want the best and only the best of happiness to her,  right?. So letting this person go is a true manifestation of love itself!. As much as it might hurt me I would let this person go, walk away hoping she don't look back as this would probably break my heart even more...




 Hope I have answered the question in the most honest way possible.

__________________________________________


For my second nomination/s from my friends Fahima and Nina 

The Very inspiring blogger award! 

The Rules:
1. Nominate other bloggers for the award and link back to them. 
2. Link back to the blogger who nominated you and thank them.
3. Post the award logo on your page.
4. Share 7 facts about yourself.

So here come the 7 facts about me!. 

* I'm a stubborn person...like..very stubborn!. 

* I'm incapable of doing any home DIY stuff but then I can do crafts (How this is possible? don't ask me!). 

* Ever wondered why I list Italy as my country? well I think in Italian... my thoughts are done in Italian!.  

* My biggest flaw? I'm simply to good many times!.

* How I ended up writing a blog? absolutely no idea!!!  ask destiny!.  

* I simply hate touch phones! I had one for the past 2 1/2 years and can't send a proper text message :/ 

* I'm a sucker for cats! I simply adore them!.   

My nominations go to...well I am going to break the rules here I am not nominating any blogs or bloggers, as I am not reading much lately!.  

I thank my dear friends Kuma, Fahima and Nina for the nomination, I love you! :) 

Pictures The Web

The howling

Many times I loose my self in endless thoughts, thoughts that feel like soft lullabies inside my head, played over and over until I finally wake up to know it was all for real...


You might think you know people but at the end of the day you can never really know a person... isn't this the horrible cold truth?.

Sometimes love is all about letting go, that is a constant reminder I put to my self. You might think I was cold and distant, perhaps I hid my true emotions for a reason that I was to scared to face, you showed yourself true and pure, opened all of what you are to me, trusting me, even if I was just a stranger narrating nonsense. Now I learned, like I learn every day I live, committing the same mistakes over and over realising every time that I am on the edge.

Now I look at you from the distance, not sure if you still remember me if you can still remember my face and my voice...

Angel of mine you came into my life just like a storm, quick and strong and left without leaving a trace of you.




She was just like the wind....

Late at night she came silently,

With her long black hair,

Endless beauty, capturing eyes,

Sweet and kind,

Came silent just like the wind

Touched me just like the wind

Bit me just like the wind

Froze me just like the wind

Embraced me just like the wind

You cut me just like the wind

You went away just like the wind

People are like instruments, we only have to learn how to play them, pressing the right keys, pulling the right cords. Fine tuning them till we learn to listen even without hearing any sound... I remember your sound clearly like it was just yesterday. Yesterday I promised my self to let you go, I promised not to play your cords any more, I will just listen quietly from the distance hearing your music played from the distance. Wondering if you ever wonder about me....wondering if we will ever play the old chant together.   


Angel of mine once again I say goodbye, even if deep inside I know this is not the last time I'll be calling your name, somehow I know...somehow I want to believe. I was and still am grateful to have met you, I still believe that meeting you was a sign of fate. I don't regret a single second of it, you made me find myself again when I was falling in this void, you were there for me like many others showing that there was still a reason to believe in dreams even if some dreams would have never had to come true...I wish you  good fortune my love...


Love Hotei...  

Picture by Hotei