Castle of glass

Dear listeners of whispers sorry for my moments of rage but had to get this off my chest! 

so please bare with me here...

oooh!! and by the way this is not "Emo" talk its just setting my thoughts free... 

-------o------

"I have promised myself not to fall again for you. It took me months to built a castle...... a castle of glass".

I can't remember how many sleepless nights I've gone trough, what I have sifted in my mind,  how many nights I slept only to dream of you. I built a castle to protect my self, I choose glass to built it...the purest ...the clearest...now its cracked with just a single word ..."I love you" ....

A wise woman once told me "if you love some one you'll do anything to be with this person, no matter what". I do agree now with her words more then ever. I look back and I see myself... I was ready to leave my world, all I had...all I worked so hard for. For just a feeling...not even sure if it would be exchanged back, but I didn't care!. I discovered the cold truth...that you knew no love!. Something I knew deep inside me and never wanted to come close to it and admit it. Now your back saying you'll do anything for me....where are you then?.

I put at steak my sanity, my dignity, my life.. all I had ..all I am...
Then you left!.... leaving me here wondering if I was the bad guy....like I was the one to crush this world..tare up dreams...then you come to me and tell me "I love you"...I know what love is! I don't need you to show me...what are you hungry for is not love....I told you many times...more then I can remember, sex and love are too different things....
You say you know the difference...then proof it! Dare what you have never dared to do! follow your wildest dreams, chase this crazy dream...follow your destiny...or change your own destiny as you say!.
 I be waiting...here I stand with my arms wide open waiting for you. Or are you afraid to?.

Truth is you left me thinking...you where gone for days...weeks..months and now your back saying you love me.... you want me!. How can I know what you say is real? how can I know?.

It took me months to wash away the poison from my skin, you left a bitter taste in my mouth...yet I still craved for you...  more.

You know I'm weak, you know I'll fall...after all I'm just human as much as tough I might show I am. I am a person of pride...I am may be to naive, I am may be to real for this world full of masks...says the man with the hidden name...

Every one we meet leaves a trail a print in us, as much as insignificant that print is...its there, you can ignore it but its still there.

You say you love me ...I say I don't want to love you..its a lie I know..... its a lie..... I made up this lie , but I happen to love this lie....

Darling I have gone to far to go back now...but I can change the ending to this tale, as once I said "we are part of a story, part of a tale but no one is to blame". 

These words are funny to come out of me, me who saw your face in every corner, heard your voice carried with the wind.....this time I'll work with my head my darling, my heart will follow.... there will be no more cracks in my castle walls.....

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continuation from the lights of Lisbon

1...2....3...

After being reviewed on tripadvisor.com and received the award of best recommended restaurant  and now one of the top listed on the site worldwide!!. Last week the restaurant received a culinary award! the fast escalation of its popularity doesn't seem to stop!

Some things are not meant to happen....

What irony!! For the 3rd year in a row the restaurant I'm working in receives a nominee, and guess what?! we won! placing 6th on the island! Happy you say? hum ....yes I am, but guess some acknowledgement  wont hurt!! What I mean you ask? To make a very long story short, Changed 3 working places in the last 3 years and for the 3rd time in a row, the restaurant  I moved in  wins! placing in the top 10!

3 years ago... I was head in an Asian restaurant (fusion more like it), I was approached by the director and he asked me to represent the restaurant! I was pretty exited as I had never attended such an event! and to say it all, to be age 25 receiving such an honour was like winning the lottery ( not quite but close enough).  2 days before the presentation...chef (executive) comes to me saying "Mind if I send someone else? I think he deserves it more then you!" (sure he does!!!! ^^ he worked so hard in those 6 days in total over a span of a year!!! That must have been the reason why we won!!! ^^ ). So there! 1 award down! tough shit! better luck next time!.

2 years ago... (1 year later) after a month from the presentation of the award director comes to me and says "Hotei! we need you to take care of the new restaurant" so it was! for a year I took great care and did my very best (just as always... too proud not too!). Guess what? nominated again!. Managing director again "Hotei!, congrats you go represent the restaurant". Well I thought better late then never! ....Executive chef "Hotei I'm sending this chap instead of you! I'll save you the trip" (sure! keep doing this to me! as if I wanted to go!!! ^^ ). This was the final blow! one of the things that made me resign from my job! (or at least one of the final blows!!). 
Well not all was lost! the "Chap" could not make it, so Chef sent the head waitress instead (course not me! why bother?!) well as she was handed over the award she said in a loud voice...."This is for you Hotei! you should be here instead of me!!!"   heheheh I was not present on the day but I heard Chef turned to a green colour!!!!.  

And last but not least just a few days ago Mr crabs comes to me and said "What an amazing night! we just won an award! but I'm sending no one! we are short of stuff ...you know!" ( but of-course your royal stinginess !!!!!)

Guess some things are never meant to happen..... lets see, might get a surprise next year!.

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What a wonderful summer!.

Going back to work I wanted to snap out of this dimension (state) I was in, there is no use in crying over this, life had to go on. Guess that (bitch) called destiny sometimes makes one right!.

Back to the normal  routine at work, found a new comer, her name was Lisa a 19 year old Italian girl from Milan. Tory was back from her studies in Italy too, to spend her summer holidays. This was one crazy summer. I remember I wanted Cassidy to forget the happened and have as much fun as possible!. After all life goes on, no matter what! and crying on past events, wont help us look to the future!.

One thing I was left impressed was with  Tory's Italian! she left the island not speaking a single word of Italian, came back  like a talking walking dictionary!!!. Putting my once fluent Italian to shame!.

This young woman Lisa was a very bubbly person and she had a charisma, a gravity!, that pulled you to her. She came to stay for 3 weeks while her dad did an IT thing for the company I was working with. By the end of the 3rd week she took a liking to me as she spent most of the time with me in the kitchen making fun of me every time I missed used a word as now my Italian was rusted beyond imagination!.  

She asked permission from her dad and asked if she could work for 3 months in the hotel, even if it had to be for free in exchange of a bed to sleep on!....and that happened!.

 Even tough my working hours were very long we still found time time go out every single day! right after dinner and a quick shower. Back does days happened in a quite  weird way as the hotel had no showering facilities for staff (as EU laws were not implied in yet!)  so showered in this small yard we had right next to the kitchen with cold water and a hosepipe!!.

Never in my life had such a summer! Tory and me still laugh every time we talk about it! we did everything that could come to your mind! and drank way too much... more then our bodies could take ( thinking of it...no wonder why I cant drink as much theses days!). We had beach parties, pool parties, sea trips, Arabian night out, dinners, night clubbing  well guess you got the picture!.

Thank you all for such a wonderful summer, but all good things come to an end.  It was time for our friend Lisa to leave..leaving us with a sweet taste in our mouth...I miss her much perhaps one day you'll come back, just as you promised me...now that your days at university are numbered.... I be waiting !.

Thank you...you too showed me  my love for Cassidy, even tough I was very attracted to you and you to me we held strong, even if many times it was hard for me or you to stay strong...your words still echoes in my mind as a sweet reminder ......



We left tattoos on each others skin.... 

                         

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mists of time

Days seemed to go by slowly, as if time had lost its rhythm. Felt I had so much in my head that I could not pick one single thought and analyse  it . For months I have done what was in my power to make her feel better, even if I felt helpless many a times. Looking back at this episode in my life is... a painful one, but yet I remember how closer this made us grow.

Months gone by and soon I had to be back to work and back to my busy daily routine, still all the happened was stuck in my mind. Her too had to head back to work, all was back to normal again.

A year later...all looked pretty good Cassidy's situation was under control, taking her daily pills and doing her monthly visit at the hospital.... until one fine day she refused to take any more pills and stopped going to her visits...as much as I tried she wouldn't listen to me..and never did to this very day...but hopefully the problem will never rise again...I pray for it not to happen again....

A year later....back with our work and daily life almost forgetting what we have been trough, our love grew each day that passed. I felt like I have accomplished an Herculean task!.

Its hard to be in the sight of death especially when you have a young age,  knowing what would happen and see your life plans and dreams fade away...crumbling...crushing one after the other like a domino effect...The only thing her and me had left to hold on was us...our love to believe we could overcome this..no matter what...

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Just a quick share...

I cannot believe its almost Christmas, time really fly!.  Yesterday I sent my entry in a short story contest on a blog suggested by my friend Gwanni. I thought it was ok to share this tiny episode of my life, and want to be honest with you, I felt pretty nostalgic while writing it. Thought I was ready to share, thought I had gone past the emotions... guess not...

Will not share the story on my blog...not yet at least...I feel like its not the time yet..and for those who know me,  guess you'll get a glimpse of what I mean here....

Seems  like yesterday that I have started writing, had a schedule to follow but guess you can never have a scheduled when it comes to write  your emotions down.

"Dear all, one more thing....keep in mind in your prayers a friend of mine that in this times needs strength to go on....I'm not a believer but I will pray anyway...may your thoughts and mine be with her and help her go trough this....".

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