What a wonderful summer!.

Going back to work I wanted to snap out of this dimension (state) I was in, there is no use in crying over this, life had to go on. Guess that (bitch) called destiny sometimes makes one right!.

Back to the normal  routine at work, found a new comer, her name was Lisa a 19 year old Italian girl from Milan. Tory was back from her studies in Italy too, to spend her summer holidays. This was one crazy summer. I remember I wanted Cassidy to forget the happened and have as much fun as possible!. After all life goes on, no matter what! and crying on past events, wont help us look to the future!.

One thing I was left impressed was with  Tory's Italian! she left the island not speaking a single word of Italian, came back  like a talking walking dictionary!!!. Putting my once fluent Italian to shame!.

This young woman Lisa was a very bubbly person and she had a charisma, a gravity!, that pulled you to her. She came to stay for 3 weeks while her dad did an IT thing for the company I was working with. By the end of the 3rd week she took a liking to me as she spent most of the time with me in the kitchen making fun of me every time I missed used a word as now my Italian was rusted beyond imagination!.  

She asked permission from her dad and asked if she could work for 3 months in the hotel, even if it had to be for free in exchange of a bed to sleep on!....and that happened!.

 Even tough my working hours were very long we still found time time go out every single day! right after dinner and a quick shower. Back does days happened in a quite  weird way as the hotel had no showering facilities for staff (as EU laws were not implied in yet!)  so showered in this small yard we had right next to the kitchen with cold water and a hosepipe!!.

Never in my life had such a summer! Tory and me still laugh every time we talk about it! we did everything that could come to your mind! and drank way too much... more then our bodies could take ( thinking of it...no wonder why I cant drink as much theses days!). We had beach parties, pool parties, sea trips, Arabian night out, dinners, night clubbing  well guess you got the picture!.

Thank you all for such a wonderful summer, but all good things come to an end.  It was time for our friend Lisa to leave..leaving us with a sweet taste in our mouth...I miss her much perhaps one day you'll come back, just as you promised me...now that your days at university are numbered.... I be waiting !.

Thank you...you too showed me  my love for Cassidy, even tough I was very attracted to you and you to me we held strong, even if many times it was hard for me or you to stay strong...your words still echoes in my mind as a sweet reminder ......



We left tattoos on each others skin.... 

                         

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mists of time

Days seemed to go by slowly, as if time had lost its rhythm. Felt I had so much in my head that I could not pick one single thought and analyse  it . For months I have done what was in my power to make her feel better, even if I felt helpless many a times. Looking back at this episode in my life is... a painful one, but yet I remember how closer this made us grow.

Months gone by and soon I had to be back to work and back to my busy daily routine, still all the happened was stuck in my mind. Her too had to head back to work, all was back to normal again.

A year later...all looked pretty good Cassidy's situation was under control, taking her daily pills and doing her monthly visit at the hospital.... until one fine day she refused to take any more pills and stopped going to her visits...as much as I tried she wouldn't listen to me..and never did to this very day...but hopefully the problem will never rise again...I pray for it not to happen again....

A year later....back with our work and daily life almost forgetting what we have been trough, our love grew each day that passed. I felt like I have accomplished an Herculean task!.

Its hard to be in the sight of death especially when you have a young age,  knowing what would happen and see your life plans and dreams fade away...crumbling...crushing one after the other like a domino effect...The only thing her and me had left to hold on was us...our love to believe we could overcome this..no matter what...

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Just a quick share...

I cannot believe its almost Christmas, time really fly!.  Yesterday I sent my entry in a short story contest on a blog suggested by my friend Gwanni. I thought it was ok to share this tiny episode of my life, and want to be honest with you, I felt pretty nostalgic while writing it. Thought I was ready to share, thought I had gone past the emotions... guess not...

Will not share the story on my blog...not yet at least...I feel like its not the time yet..and for those who know me,  guess you'll get a glimpse of what I mean here....

Seems  like yesterday that I have started writing, had a schedule to follow but guess you can never have a scheduled when it comes to write  your emotions down.

"Dear all, one more thing....keep in mind in your prayers a friend of mine that in this times needs strength to go on....I'm not a believer but I will pray anyway...may your thoughts and mine be with her and help her go trough this....".

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Her smile still lingers

"Back from my two day retreat, have to admit I definitely needed two days away from it all!. No phone no Internet and no TV .. nothing at all !!. Weather had no mercy on us, as it was really cold and windy, plus we had constant showers of rain and hale!. But all considered it was fun and had time to think and most important rest!"

I laid in bed early the first night, perhaps it was the long day and the couple of glasses of port wine that made me feel heady. Was waken up by a loud sound of thunder early in the morning maybe a little past midnight, stood up and walked to the balcony to look outside in the darkness. Looked down but could barely see a thing... to dark!. Darkness only broken by the blinding flashes in the distance right over the sea, a storm was heading our way, but I felt pretty safe and warm in my room. Pulled the curtains closed shut and went back to bed and tucked myself very well under the covers. It took a few minutes for my eyes to get used to the dark, but then shadows and reflections started to re-emerge slowly again. Stared at the ceiling  listening to the silence of the night disturbed only by the sound of the howling wind and the sound of the rain. 

  I thought and wondered as I could not help it, all of the happenings that happened  these past months, how much I have been trough.

 I looked to my left and watched her sleep with a smile on her face, turned facing her and closed my eyes to hear her breath. Reached for her hand and held it in mine, somehow she seemed to know I was holding her hand and moved closer to me resting her head on my pillow, close enough to be able to feel her warm breath on my shoulder. I could not look away from the sight of her deep in her sleep, I wondered what she was dreaming about, what made that smile appear on her face?. Kissed her on her forehead, the more I looked to her in her sleep the more I wondered... suddenly felt an urge to write! I wanted to get it of my chest...but my lap was back at home, so I tried to release my mind from these thoughts...

Guess I somehow felt asleep and woke up a few hours later at around 3 AM, She was holding me from my waist with her both arms, tried to turn to face her but I was afraid to wake her up, so I stood still. Again, thoughts and feelings started to come back to me, I wondered if it was right to hide it all from her. Months ago I was ready to tell her everything but then, I thought better not, as the world and life we are used to will have to change, perhaps in an unrepairable way. But who am I to make such a choice? Who am I to alter this?. 

"A year ago I wanted to have a world of my own...now I want you part of this world...but I'm afraid to show who I have become...so sleep well my dear keep that smile on your face....keep dreaming the sweet dream your dreaming...".

It will always be me, no matter what name or face I hide behind...I am just looking at the world from a different perspective. Now...I'm actually listening...listening and listening  to the sound of silence that is still.  

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Just Like A Pill...

Weather is dull and by 5pm the sun hits the horizon...its the only reason why I don't like winter, for the rest I love it! I love the cold and I love the rain (and not to mention that while driving to work I just adore to look at the sunset! the sunset in winter over here is something to take your breath away!!). The temperature dropped by a a lot the past couple of days, its funny just 2 weeks ago people where still swimming at a lovely 25(deg) and now we are wearing our winter jackets!. But this is not what I want to talk about...    
This morning had an early start again , this week have been hectic!, lot was going on and I struggled to get most of the stuff out of the way!. Plus a little bad luck striked again this week, had  a car accident luckily not much harm was done, my foot pooped again so I'm walking with a limp yet again....and GRRRRR!! not to mention work!! and Mr Crabs and his damn NUTS!!!. 

Breath in breath out....
Had no time for myself this week, but today...had to drop my car for a service so I adventured myself in the "cold" ...13(deg) yeah for me... that is cold! well ended up with no car for a few hours so here I am grabbing a cup of piping hot tea wearing my red woolly socks sharing some thoughts before continuing my bag packing.

 I was not looking forward for this 2 day retreat, but now, after all the shit that happened this week I gladly will escape for 2 days! I'm just hoping that the sea is not rough as I like my ferry trips to be quite smooth!. Hopefully will have some rest even though I plan early escapes to catch the sunrise in the amazing setting that our neighbour  island is proudly known for, and hopefully be able to snap a few pictures too!.

 To be honest with you...these past days I had some stuff going on my mind...a few days ago hummm Sunday to be precise, I had yet an other invitation, I promptly said "No!" and made a big effort to end up the conversation as quickly as possible!. But at the back of my mind I just can't get the thought out of my head. And when I do,  something comes up and remind me of it, perhaps I'm a little paranoid, may be I am yes a little. 
Since then I tried to avoid... although my mind is set on an automatic reply that promptly comes out before I even think  or had the time to process what the question was. Although I say No...I still feel, and I still hope that someday even if for one day, we'll meet...

                                                                                                                            picture Lisboa

"Its funny when you are distant from something or someone, 

the more you need it, the more you want it..."

                                                                

                                                                  -------------O--------------

Yesterday finished work quite late as it was pretty busy again and since Mr Crabs still have found no replacement for the position,  we are still just 2 working in the bloody kitchen! (sorry  for my moment of rage relief).  

 I have this feeling inside me, somehow feels like a little sadness, or perhaps a nostalgic feeling of a few months ago... that makes me stop, and many times smile, especially when hearing a song while at work...and I say my now famous quote at work "will the sun rise today on the other side of the world?!". Yesterday I saw a ray of light, so it might rise, even if for a day..I be happy to see a familiar smile one of these days. 

                                Was browsing in my G-mail and found this :)

                                                                                   Taken April this year...

                                   after a long night chatting till the sun was rising...

                                                           then left to take this picture.... 

"some how it feels colder without your smile..."