Shadows fading away

Sadly the blog diary of my shadows came to an end, for a few reasons that I don't really agree with, but that is the choice of the owner. After stating my point in a very hot argument with Gwanni about the termination of his diary last night, I was posed this question "What if you had to terminate your blog?"

 One day or an other my blog have to come to an end...hope not as abrupt as the last time, but that was a different matter. The blog originally was taking a direction that would have put poor "Christian Grey" face to shame! as I done things far more daring then the stuff mentioned in the now famous "50 shades of Grey!!", and must add that me and Mr Christian Grey  share quite a lot in common! perhaps not the look or the money lol. But now will not share most of the stuff happened as I think some things have to remain un-told, for a bit of mystery..you know! :)

Well... to be honest I never thought that my blog would have gone this far...as it was created to share and show the importance of dialogue, and to be honest with your loved one, and to always be honest at least with yourself. I say this and then I look to my self and I say that I am still learning day after day with you.  Was meant to write the happenings of the last years, were all started, and the change I faced from a naive and innocent boy to a cold distant man ...

I was on the edge and kept all inside me until one day... had to share it with some one, so I found poor Tory and emptied what I have been doing and a bottle of Amaretto too lol. What a headache and what a hangover I had to face the morning after!! Must say that my dear friend Tory was pretty shocked at the news, "Never would have though....never would have thought" that was her reaction. And never would I have thought that I would do such stuff if I really want to come clean....

Now I keep on writing and writing, many a times I don't follow a pattern as more stuff keep on happening in my life and my shadows many times haunt me, but I made up my mind now, I will ignore!. When it comes to Cassidy...well not sure if I will ever tell her about this diary, even-though she knows me inside out and she knows a good 80% of what is written down in this diary, she will never understand the end bit of my diary, and I must say nor do I!!.

Hope I made my self more clear, and if I did not well... you can always ask lool... you might be surprised by the answer if you'll get one in the first place :P

"I would like to give a salute to my friend Gwanni and wish him all the best hopefully we will hear again soon from him, may be he will come back stronger then ever!!"

Goodbye Diary Of My Shadows...

 

pictures provided by google images 

Share a dream with a green dinosaur!

I would like to thank Andre' from the blog Dream Dinosaur Project for posting and amazingly picture the scene!. 

Been following for the past 3 weeks this very unusual blog that talks about dreams, and since I get a few weird dreams,  I love to know that I'm not the only one lolol. 

This dream happened to me a few months ago for a few nights I dreamt and dreamt the same dream 

and many a times I felt bad when I woke up...especially when in the next days 

you discover some facts were true in the real life...

guess Mr Sand man plays some nasty tricks at times!.

Here is the dream.....My Dream.....

 It all started when I ventured myself into a parking lot, lost. I did not know the area and did not recognize the buildings! The buildings were painted yellow and white. In this parking lot I noticed a guy (I know him) rummaging in clothes in a small car "a (W) beetle" until a friend of him ...he called her "Anna", called him. - I later discovered his best friend in the real world was named Anna, pretty freaky shit, huh?! -.

Well, she told him to come and not to talk to strangers -meaning "Me"- (Bitch!!!). I wandered for a long time and found myself in an old area full of old houses and a chapel where people where gathering wearing black. There I found my friend again, but the more I approached him, the more he went towards the crowd until disappearing into it, just giving me the chance to grab his arm. He looked at me and said "Just leave...NOW" ...I ran away in despair (Drama Queen!).

Found myself in a known area...in the old capital where I work...wandered in the empty roads and found myself looking down to the city from over the bastions...the view was not the one I was used to ...I was looking to a big city a city I did not know...as if the old capital had been moved to a different location...all of a sudden a small, fat, ginger, blue-eyed kitten came to me from the edge of the bastion walls. I picked the little creature and felt somehow safe...this kitten told me to take him home...and so I did. I got into my car and drove and drove for ages but the buildings were constantly changing and I could not recognize many of them... I finally made it home,  to an empty home where time seemed to have stopped....it was cold and started to get dark ....the cat said to me: "I'm finally home".

Special thanks to Andre' for the post and this amazing hand drawn picture!

Faces

Faces come and go in our life, walking in the streets we meet and forget, but there is who leaves a mark. 
A mark forever imprinted. 

Faces..empty faces with no emotions, that is what we meet in the streets, cold faces.
But no!, your face...the face I know.
Its warm.

I must say I'm sorry for forgetting such a special day...its not for the year that is gone.
but for the many yet to come.



 Lets hope it will be the one year you and me dream ...

I'm sitting on the clocks hands watching time go by... 
Its seems hours have turned to seconds... 

While I finish this last note a year will pass by...
I will always wait in this special place... 

But I must admit all of it was worthwhile...

I can wait till the end of time... 

When time is right...

I wake up... 

In this different world... 

To find faces I don't know... 

But out of the crowd ...

Faces..

Familiar faces ...  

But no one...
No one...
 Can see my face... 

Yet I am familiar to them..

But out of the crowd...
A face... 
One familiar face... 
A face I know... 
Faces they come and go... 
But your face was the one to stay... 

People make mistakes... 
In forgetting special dates.. 
We are brothers, not the same... 
But for this who do we have to blame?
So many tales to tell... 
The wind blows in our way ...
Many faces 
We think we will be gone by tomorrow 
Not today ...
Better be today....
Its just a day...
Yesterday..
 Yesterday it was yesterday ..
I wait till tomorrow...
Why did we miss yesterday?
In a little messed up way... 
I feel sorry... 
But that was yesterday...

I feel you on the other side...
Its time to fly..
Just like my words...

I'm sorry for yesterday...


                                               Make a wish....

Dedicated to my faraway yet close brother Gwanni that lives to the west ....

                                                          ...Wish you a happy  Birthday 

Fragile

"Fragile..... we are so fragile I know its a bit (cliché) but we are like candles in the wind , sometimes we try to hold on to this life, fight for our life.....but at the end of the day  we are just so fragile..".

Look at the cliffs near the sea, big and strong but with each wave; sometimes gentle... sometimes furious it  eats them away. I don't want to be eaten away by the waves that are hitting my shores. I see life unfolding before my eyes and I feel helpless, I can't stop time...but I can live in this time, I can try and make something out of it...I say every day ..every extra day we get is a bonus so might as well not waist it and live,  make the most out of it...ohh yes the most ...not less. Learn from yesterdays mistakes it will prepare us for tomorrow's.

Pawns in the hand of destiny are we?. In this life we meet people of all sorts of shapes and sized every one made in its special way, everyone with his or her characteristic some good others less...
I have always tried to live good live and let live always have been my motto... but there were times that I did forget this idealism and turned, changed to someone I did not know...

That is what happened to me after the long  tiring battle for life..I could not take one more thing I blamed it on everything including myself  instead of fighting it back I surrendered to it... raised a white flag. What made me go on was her, the look in her eyes...the fact that no matter what happened she kept strong even tough she new nothing was going to be the same any more. Destiny blocked this road? screw it we go around it!.   I would not be the man I would be today if it was not for you, I many times don't show and many times ignore the call of you...many times you been patient even if you had the right and reason not to be. For that I am grateful. Even the choices I'v made I learnt not to regret try.... not to at least.


Dear life, 
When sometimes I'm alone I wonder how funny this life is...every time we need something or someone...and we make a call from deep within our soul...our call for help is heard.... a shoulder on the west..... a warm smile and a beating heart to the east ... strength from across the ocean .......and support  from the north...
                                                                              ...yours Hotei.


I'm not afraid to be fragile as its a sign I have feelings...

Can you hear me?

You listener of whispers

this post is very special to me, as it narrates a very special story

happened to me a while back

it is written in a very cryptic way ,

but soon, very soon it will make sense to you too.

Would like to thank Horus from the blog Diary Of My Shadows

for hosting this very important text on his diary.

And as a gift to you listeners, I uploaded more Whispers

on story lane

Listen to my whispers

Hope you like it

Don’t forget to turn your sound on!

Yours Hotei