My Guardian Angel

Alarm rang again today...reached for it to smash it onto the floor  yet again!....woke up to a silent home today.....my parents are away, found a note on the kitchen table on top of a dish that was covered with a tea towel ...."please bake!". Our lunch...well if brother shows up any way!....switched on the coffee machine and the oven and placed the dish in the oven......pie!, mums meat pie I love it ....
Remind me of when I was little...standing up on a chair trying to roll out dough while almost suffocating in  a cloud of flour!! while my siblings where out playing in the yard and dad at work..... . looking back, I don't recognise that family any more, somehow we all grew distant...I can't tell what really happened to us, its like everyone went on his own way and no one ever stooped to look back to see if the others where any near...

Made myself a double espresso and walked back to my room, looked for my camera lead cord in my bedside cabinet, want to see yesterdays pictures, the one I took at the beach yesterday morning.  I came across a pencil sketch I made when I was roundabout 10...my guardian angel, the way I saw it.I remember I felt safe looking at it and thinking that it was looking over me ....sweet memories....forever gone.... a well knit family...

 I can remember quite clearly those days....
.......now that had that nostalgic feeling....reached for my box of memories that  I treasure in my bedside table.

I keep anything of sentimental value in it and some times I need to open it and remember the wonderful old days. I keep anything from an old coin to an old birthday card..to old pictures of my family and pictures of my siblings and me...

You realise how much time passed only when looking back at old photos...I almost forgot when was the last time I took my time to look trough old family pictures, never have much time alone, usually our house is too noisy....washing machine on! radio on !! TV on!!!. not mentioning my brothers kids..screaming, jumping and making uncle swear....God bless them ...  tough sometimes I feel like strangling  them!!but I love those little sods...

Me at the age of 3 ....playing in the bath tub...bitter memories these are....remember a few days later after this picture was taken aunt died of cancer...loved her like my own mother... miss her much. I was just 3 but there was a special bond between us...never forget you...

Same year this was taken....my birthday with my brothers slicing upon a chocolate cake made by mum ....lol I remember her cakes all covered in chocolate and colourful  smarties!!! Lovely memories these are...sometimes I wish I could turn back time and savour once again these moments....

Never had much, we had just enough to get trough the day, we had ourselves supported by the love of a caring mother ....and that 
 was all that we could we ever ask for ...



Hooo this.....me and the little puppy...at my uncles house...a few months later I could have rode that little Doberman puppy!! He was huge!! same size as a pony! he ate like a pony....was strong as one too...

He had a very fierce look !! and very prominent stature! 

Lived a quite long life...so I guess he was a happy and well taken care of "little"dog ...




This is me and the Doberman a few months later .....kidding!!.. :D


Me at our farm....this was a nice way to grow up... especially when the summer holidays were on, I spent days playing and running in the countryside. We had all sorts of farm animals from cows, goat's, chicken, rabbits to ducks. Had a couple of horses too! and occasionally rode them...I don't know what happen to me! nowadays I can't find the guts to ride one :o/ ...



Its sad to think all this is gone, but at least I have these memories to treasure in my heart. We live a short life, we must grasp every moment I suppose. These days are gone and never will come back, but we have the chance to make new moments for me to keep in my box of memories.The future is not far! the future starts tomorrow!!.   

Must return to the reality of the present times close my box of memories and place it safe in the dark of my bedside cabinet, now its time to move and hit the shower! and something tells me that  I better check on that pie!!.

And the world stood still..

My thoughts go to the victims of that tragic day....

The world froze....The world did not believe....The world did not forget......

On 9 11 we saw a diabolical act unfold....at the same instant we saw the birth of solidarity....

 This song from one of my favourite singers....this is for the victims...and for those, that like me hope for a safer, better world 

                                    

                        "Waking to the light Ira Losco"

Never erase this from our memory, we want to remember so we can avoid it happening ever again ...

Ordinary and extra ordinary me

...And this is me.

Who am I? 

Who is Hotei? many asked me, what is your real name? they ask, where do you come from? I usually hear. There was this time when I have been asked, what does Hotei mean? other times why I had to put my blog down!.

What is this guy all about! what the fuck is he saying!, confusing and  contradicting, pure non sense at times and crazy on others...
....this is me, like it or not!. Love me or hate me there is no other option, 100%  crude!.

Sensitive...and willing to hear...this is me...if you don't like it well just get the hell out of here!.   

Hotei is no computer geek, Hotei is no lesbian (I was once asked if I was), Hotei is no perverted old freak, Hotei is not an Emo guy (been called that too!), Hotei is not a fake...

Let me come clean...

Hotei is a man, I have to call my self a man, I'm 28 and many times I do feel the age, other times I feel like I'm still 18, while other times I feel I'm 40!. This man is not shallow as he might look, there is much under this skin that is unspoken. Hotei is a non talkative man, many times silent.....But if he does talk, he might be slightly overwhelming... 

Hotei never socialised easily, he is very discreet, most of the time at least.... Hotei is this...... sometimes a paradox, sometimes easy to understand, sometimes not..

 Hotei grew up in a micro society, where no one can be alone not even if you try, everyone knows you wherever you go!.  Hotei "worked" and still "works" to achieve his dreams, he sweat himself behind a range every single day!!.

Why Hotei? 

hummmm.... well first of all I wanted some kind of name that did not reflect me, something far away from me...let me explain this.....I could have used my real name, I mean my name is pretty common so I wont be sticking out like I was the only naked guy in a village square!. But I wanted to protect  the identity of the mentioned characters, I live in a very small close community, news travel fast...gossip is the in thing!. 

(PS; for those that are still asking what does Hotei mean...Hotei is the laughing Buddha in Japanese ...).

Why the blog?   

Why the blog? the blog was exclusively  done for my self a s a diary, a place where I could drain all my feelings and somehow feel lighter. The blog is my refuge, the blog is my escape route, my other world to be far away from the real world, were every one new every thing....

Then later I decided to share,  I always thought if I could only make someone understand the importance of dialogue, the importance of love, the importance to be you!. The reason of this blog would have been all worth it!. Never thought I would loose myself in it, never thought that the place I have created to find myself the place to answer my questions would bring to the surface more and more questions... putting me in denial many times...but I love it !!! :D

Why put down your blog? 

Giggle  giggle... very stupid I must say! a very stupid reason ! this stupid guy here somehow managed to connect his blog to his Facebook account!. And only realising hours layer what happened!! I should not have commented on some EMO!!!! guy blog !! "sorry Rose I know I shouldn't call him so" but I can't help it ...for the love of God !!! I mean, he really  is !! :P


Hope I have cleared many questions that I have been asked lately...

back to my life journal now....remember never judge a book from its cover you might be missing a great story...

sincerely yours Hotei (^o^)

pics and quotes provided by tumblr 

Grown ups need hugs too

 I am back, and ready to share it all again... had to put down my blog for almost a month but now I'm back!! 

It have been a hectic month.. I have been trough a lot these past weeks....I was in denial more then one time....my thanks must go to those who supported me ...Thank you   :)



It all started when Cassidy went on a holiday, I could not be with her cause of  work, in a way,  I was happy, I needed time to clear my mind, I needed "me me time" . I cant recall when  I had two weeks on my own, although it felt awkward not to be with her, somehow I felt it was a good opportunity to discover more my self,  having more time to think.I must admit that at one point in time my brains over worked and almost bursted  for over working them!.here I have to thank my friend Tory...

.....Tory....you perhaps saw a new side of me that you didn't know it could exist. I really needed to let it all out and you were there to listen to me....to my nonsense ..to my whining to my cries!. Thanks for letting my feelings speak, and understanding. I will never ever forget what you have done!, ...and how I could forget the splitting headache that I woke up with the day after we talked? all that amaretto!!! :D. Thanks for distracting me from me!. You somehow knew what I was in need of....

Loved the hairy pussy shave, I found it quite stress relieving. Loved feeding the tiny kittens too!. Loved the board game in the evening, even if I was pitiful!, I was pretty sure it was miss Scarlet!!!  

Black over Will's mother...

Woke up with the fresh, crisp smell of winter in my nose this morning, last night we had our first storm. Was just reading some comments from my fellow islanders which most of them had to wake up cause of the heavy storm!. I did not! slept trough the night like nothing happened ignored the angry Thor throwing lightning towards the earth.. guess having a couple of glasses of red wine before you actually sleep helped with that!

As I opened my bedroom window to let some fresh air in, and smell the damp soil from the garden, my mind drifted away...Yesterday morning went with my eldest brother, he had to help me finish some work in my "home to be". Last time I was there, I made a few videos to send to a friend I could walk trough the empty rooms and materialise the image in my head of that day. When the job was done left with a bitter-sweet smile of sweet memories...

Went back to my "home to be" a few hours later round about 8pm as the rain started...wanted to make sure all the windows were closed and all secured....looked up at the sky as lightening went across, and thought last time I looked down this valley...I did it for you...to show you my world....

The rest of the evening went smoothly chasing the storm for the perfect shot and ended up with a bottle of red...not quite ended...to my surprise when I got back home you where there waiting for me....