For I am not the one

You can be trained for the unexpected but when it happens you are really never prepared. A goodbye will always be hard even if you have been expecting it. I hate the word goodbye, I am more a "see you" person. Goodbye sounds like an indefinite amount of time.... 


I have this stuck in my head, I must drain it, here I am still in my swimming trunks still moist to the touch, draining my thoughts, my feelings...I must do it I can't wait, for the night to fall to write.

You might not realise how important to me you are, you can't imagine the agonising feeling in my chest, trying to act like nothing happened. You have give me all that you are and all that you had, I was too scared to hold you here. Now I'm afraid you see the monster that I can become. Angel of mine I can still feel the Goosebumps over my skin as you asked me to leave...I knew the day would come but never this soon...I hate it, I really hate it. But if this is for the best, if this will be of any help to you. I am happy to carry this once again. Angel of mine I had promised never to fall again until the day you  crossed my path...I repeated this to my self over and over....but I refused to listen...now here I am mourning yet again!

Angel of mine you have promised me you be with me, live day by day....now that image is far.... I just see your face in my head, I see your face everyday as I close my eyes...the same image I will carry for all of my living days wondering how you will look in a year...in a decade..will you have children? seven you said once! crazy thing you are...crazy moments you gave me...crazy thing this goodbye....

I have this song is stuck in my head for the past two days

I would like to share it with you...

I sense there's something in the wind
That seems like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd like to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend

And does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it's not to be

What will become of my dear friend?
Where will his actions lead us then?
Although I'd like to join the crowd
In their enthusiastic cloud
Try as I may, it doesn't last

And will we ever end up together?
no, I think not, it's never to become

For I am not the one

For I am not the one

From the nightmare before Christmas 

End of a dream

"If destiny have chosen a path for you, it will keep crossing your path no matter what you do..."

Here I am once again, I just can't stop thinking about it, how this happened. I never asked for this to happen to me, it just happens. May be its the best thing to do....

So you might ask yourself why "End of a dream?". Just imagine your self lost, afraid and scared...have you ever been there? I was there many times I felt this many times, its not easy to get out of its grasp. Imagine yourself, after a year of constant pain, pain that felt to good to walk away from. You knew it will never be real but you kept on dreaming for a year, a long painful year....

Then one day you look up at yourself, and you ask yourself, what are you doing to yourself?. Don't ignore this pain, this pain is real. I thought this thing I called love was real.....
 You try to walk out of it, you know it will be painful, but it always have been painful, it will be just a matter of time until this feeling fades away, just a little time and it ill be gone....with you....

Then when you finally managed to get out of its grasp...this darn thing called destiny slaps you in the face one more time. My hard broken heart started beating again, it was a dream, the start of a dream...

But remember whoever dreams one day will face the truth, waking up!. I blamed it on destiny....but I only have my self to blame..only me, no one else...it felt like the best thing to do to give the blame to someone...so that is why I always blamed it on destiny..

 55 days....Imagine yourself falling asleep.... a long sleep, and you dream for 55 long days....the best dream you ever had! The longer you stay in the land of dreams the harder to come back. But if it was just a dream why does it makes me feel so bad?

I was lucky...I was granted a taste of heaven for 55 days....I could see I could almost feel....but I could not touch....for 55 long days....

The best 55 days of my life, trapped in this world of "make believe". But I regret not a single week, not a single day, not a single moment in this dream..I just regret that I had to wake up...

Wake up from what? it seamed so real! It felt so real, it was real! I was real !!!. If it was from my part I would have never woken up,I would have kept on dreaming....keeping this taste of heaven just for my self...

You sweet angel of mine...you, made this empty hollow man to breath life again...you made him see what there is out of the box....the box...the box he thought this woman was trapped in, but he woke up to find that he was trapped in the box in the first place....it was a dream...and now its the end of a dream...

The Lullaby That Wakes Me Up..

Go on play it,

the same song 

go on play it, 

let this be our lullaby 

go on sing it, 

heard it over and over but still makes no sense 

go on sing it, 

I hate this lullaby 

I heard this already....I felt this already...I been here already...I'm familiar to this....so why am I feeling so bad?

Take the darkest words and and play them, make them our lullaby.   

Let this be the end of the world of make believe, I can see it, I can feel it crumble under my feet. 

In my world of make believe, I play again this lullaby....In her world of make believe she never stopped playing this lullaby.

Some how I wish I could set fire to this world, some how I want to escape this world. 

This lullaby is still in my head 

I can still hear it 

I can still taste it 

I can still see it 

This lullaby is still in my head 

I love this lullaby, 
all my thought, 
she resides in me,
I love this lullaby, 
In my world of make believe, 
your here forever... 

I met a young little fellow near the sea shore, he said,
"You will forget the lullaby only if you return the box to the ocean". 
I turned my back to the little fellow
and kept singing this Lullaby...

Caution not suitable for adults!

   This just went UP! UP! UP! in my list of best movies!

Yesterday was in need of  that thing to cheer me up a little and I thought that there is nothing better then a good movie. I was looking for something funny\comedy. I realized that had this movie sitting in my pen-drive like for ages..so I thought why not!  I have heard it was funny and catching... so it seamed to be the perfect choice!


I saw the movie trailer a while back and it seamed to be a fun easy to follow animation, no need to use my brain to think..just, sit there and stare at the moving talking picture..and all the colourful  balloons....It was meant to be a movie for kids             .........so easy to digest stuff....

....at least I thought!. I now think they should have put a warning saying " movie contents  is not suitable for adults!" like in bold and in red !!. And I thought Japanese anime movies were sad!!!..

And funny thing is that  I didn't have any sugar at all!! not  like when I saw finding Nemo...I cried too, but I was on such a sugar hype that I could cry for real with a baby just to sympathize!.






I am not doing a review or something of that sort....but in my opinion this movie, if you have not watched it yet...its a must!. It is touching to a way beyond normality....it shows human feelings in its raw state,  and it shakes you a bit and may be slaps you in the face too....

The story is about this old man Carl, and in the first minutes the story concentrates on him and how he met his wife Ellie..his soul mate...

From Just friend with this tomboy Ellie and this not talkative boy Carl....both weird and eccentric like most kids...reminded me a lot of me....a lot of years younger. They grew together, in good and bad times..trough the years chasing a dream that one day they will go an live in a place called "paradise falls". They both dreamed of this perfect place to be...with the perfect person to be with...who doesn't dream that ?. Faith has it that they shall never accomplish this dream...destiny had other plans for them...they fought and worked hard for this dream to come true...but never succeeded...

   








I don't know it it is just me..but I confess many times at least two or three times I shed a tear or two..on several instances I was thinking, this movie is breaking my heart, while other times I thought this is melting my heart ...but whatever or how I felt I thought this movie is just so damn beautiful! :D

Its an ode to love.... friendship..... believing...dreaming.....it some how made me think that fairytales do exist...

Thanks for the adventure- now go have a new one! :'o)  

On my bed where I dream...

Here safe in my bed...here I lay...here I rest...here I dream.....

                                                                                                      

Here I am! still in bed...9:39am in the morning somehow cant get out of bed...lappy on my belly ....already had my second espresso this morning...but I still cant feel like I'm wide awake....I'm running low on  coffee, must go out and  buy, but some how I don't feel like to..

Not having my early morning swim this morning ,  some how I don't feel like it..just feel like to linger in my bed...Sweet memories of a dream that seamed to real, somehow I can smell your scent...I know its just in my head, but I want to believe I do...if I close my eyes I can still see your smile ...if I close my eyes...if I do ...I drift far away... wish I could sleep again may be we'll  meet again...

Many times I wondered how your skin feels...many times I wondered how your lips may taste... 

Taste....feel...touch....scent....these are the senses I am denied...only if I close my eyes I am allowed to borrow, just for a few moments...just for a few moments... while I dream....while I rest my head on the pillow and look in the box....

Feels safe here in my bed, away from the busy world out there... My phone is ringing again I think its the fifth time this morning..don't feel like picking it up.. but I must....the real world is calling....