Thank you

(I know this is breaking the story line, but I cannot go on writing if I don't share this...I wish to thank you dear Gwanni)

"It is hard to find good friends! its not easy to trust..especially when meeting them online...like in our case..but we believed in friendship and it paid off...distance seems not an obstacle now!". 

A year ago, when I decided to resign from my work I never imagined that I would have embarked such an "adventure". 

I was in search  for "me" and I found "you".

You helped me out in the most hard moments, you gave me the strength to go on ..keep fighting! 

never give up!.

An important lesson you willingly shared with me .

You say I helped you!  I say we helped each other..

You say I am special!  I say what was created is special ..

When I came to a point I was about to give up on everything, you were there.

When I was about to run away, you were there,  you held me back from doing things I would have regret!

To you I dedicate one of my most favourite songs from my most favourite singer,

she like us battled her own self and never gave up, even when it seamed there was no way out! 

(This is a performance that she made during the presentation for the Nobel prize for peace)

Lost in paradise  

Last night, like many other nights you made me feel special...

     when I found the pictures yesterday ..they brought up memories ....happy and sad too  

perhaps now you see more the way I was brought up 

   what I been trough all these years ..

      one thing I regret 

                       

                                              I wish I met you before 

                                                                   ... 

A year to remember

Once again I was asked to join the annual family holiday, I accepted again very happily. They opted for Tunisia again,I had no objection except for one! that this time we wouldn't fly with tuninter!!. It was unanimous!! we paid the extra bit to fly with our national airline and that was fine and set! Also this time since it was just a matter of only a few pounds we upgraded to a five star in port el kantaoui!

We were ready! for our holiday! yey :)).
Flight was good (compared to the year before!!). Arrival to the hotel took only half hour or so,  the hotel looked amazing and very imposing in the heart of the port! :D

And again at reception ... our room reservation  got lost .....we waited for over 3hours for our rooms to be ready!! well at least our triple was worth the waiting!! hummm yeah a triple once again we had Cassidy,s little  brother was assigned as our chaperon yet another time!!.

Our room was at the top floor and it had an amazingly huge balcony!!and an amazing view ! we spent many nights drinking and chatting.

Especially  sunsets and sun rises :) we once even fitted the bed in it so we could stargaze while in bed!!! :D

In the morning the view of the marina was beautiful too!                                                                          

Relax, relax and relax that was my motto for this 

year!! I spent hours near the pool enjoying cocktails and sun baiting! sweet, sweet Idleness  I loved it !! 

The hotel had many features,  one of them was  a private beach !!!  I loved that too (although that  I cant compare them with the beaches back home ours are much nicer :P). But the fact that it was a private beach it made it less busy! so therefore more peaceful. I loved the palm leaves  umbrellas!! :)) 

I played the tourist part at full!  I had used all the facilities made use of all kind of equipment done rides and sport too!! of course "when being idle got to boring!". 

One not too happy moment it was when we went on a pirate ship like... every one got sick "well almost everyone" me and Cassidy didn't!. 

Food was not bad but  I almost never ate from the hotel! there were cheap and very good restaurants scattered round the marina so I used to dine in one of them I was spoiled

for choice!!.  

  I have to say that all this free time and relaxation made me forget all about home... at least for a week! Cassidy and me got much closer  since we could spend more time together, back home it was close to impossible with my work and cassidy's studies!.  this this time... I knew what I wanted or with who I wanted to be, and it was with her... I realized how important she was to me and "still is!". 

Have to be completely honest here... she did throw a few temper tantrums since although it was relaxing  and we had all the time we wanted, we were never alone..and we never could have come very intimate, except for  just a couple of nights where her little brother got to drunk to stay awake and remember any thing that happened that night!!  Unless I got drunk before...I remember one night, or at least from the evidence left for me to make up the whole scene!, I got so pissed that they had to undress me and give me a cold bath for me to get back to my senses!! , spent the night in the bathtub too ....wrapped  in  a blanket and hugging a pillow!! 

One more episode when Cassidy slipped into one of her "temper tantrum moods" was when we where supposed to visit the capital Tunis!! I wanted so bad to see it, But  "she" thought it was a good excuse for a good day of wild sex!! since all the family would have ventured themselves into sight seeing  for a whole day!.

hehe...she woke up with a plan!!! saying that she was not feeling well ...and I was Nooooo ...I want to visit the capital and its surrounding!!. As the Italian say "chi la dura la vince " it had to be my way :P !!

At the end of the day it was worth-it :)

  

Back home I had news waiting for me ...changes happened while away .

Changes that would have changed the course of my life..

forever ....to good and bad!

...

Changes...

From the day I saw Ta chan giving a kiss to Joe I kept a step back, I didn't share all my thoughts with Joe, and so did he. Its became more like a work relation then friendship ..don't get me wrong..after a few days from the episode, I was back to my ordinary me, after all I had no reason  to act that way,I had no right to impose or say with whom she must be or decide with who she wanted to spent time with !.  Ta chan was (and still is) an amazing person and Joe was too, I loved them both!. Both of them were my friends and I wished all kind of happiness to them.

But....yes there is a but!! the fact that it was just a kiss just one!! and nothing else happened...if  something did happen, I'm sure Jessica or some one else would have mentioned something, after all no secrets were kept within the four walls of the hotel!!! whatever happened in there was gossiped!! so I'm sure that such news would have been rated as a  "hot topic" and therefore spread like wild fire !!

Ta Chan and me still enjoyed our cup of coffee or tea every now and then, or our walks in the countryside or showing Ta Chan the historical part of the island that included (Cassidy as well) we were the inseparable trio!!. Still raised bottoms at the bar down the corner with Joe!! All was kept in harmony.
Days came and passed special events did too I still remember when Joe turned 28!! Crazy us!! the whole kitchen brigade undressed him, tied him up with cling film and covered his entire body with oil and salt!! then finished the amazing job with a little dusting of flour !!! (I feel stupid thinking about it now!).

It was an amazing year after all... I can't complain! I wish that time stopped, but time don't stop or slow down for any one and an other year was gone by....without realizing.
The beginning of the new year was different, the last day I worked with Ta Chan it was the 1st of January 2006 we  all raised a glass of champagne in the restaurant as a thanks to the amazing year and as a thanks that  all went well and smooth during the festive season!     

In a few months I would have adventured my self to an other vacation, the last one for a very long time! I didn't know what destiny was setting up for me ...and  when I would have come back my life would have to changed  dramatically from the one I was used to.....

pricks of a rose

There is no rose without thorns, something so beautiful  so delicate to the touch but yet it hides sharp thorns. 

Your beauty will not be forgotten...your kindness will be kept a nice memory...after all you took something that belongs to me ...my heart.

I can still see it clear in my mind the day you wrapped your arms around his neck....the soft kiss on his lips as  you kissed him, you made a point to do it in front of me! you made it a point that I see it! you made it a point I was the only witness! , you stared at me, you knew  it was painful to me not only cause  it was you ...  but why did it have to be Joe....I lost two important pieces in my life that day you and Joe.

Me, instead of being happy that you found what you was searching for, I was sad, I felt rage... I felt envy... I wanted you ...I  wished you...I lost you ....  

(the weirdest fact is that for at least two years I would have never heard of you two being together or I would have never saw an other kiss happening in front of my eyes it was just that one episode....sometimes I thought it was just a figment of my imagination, but it was real ....it happened I saw it ... ..). But I could not share it, had to keep it inside me...after all it happened just once so why it happened??  

was your way to play with me? Its a feeling I kept buryied deep inside me for long ..too much until this day I never shared it but I think it was time to! after all, time cleaned and healed the wound  ...at least most of it....

Perhaps dear it was your way to set me free! you wanted to open the cage where my heart was kept captive? or was a way to imprison it even more?

...

A place called home..

Time to write a new chapter ...

I dedicated most of my energy to become a good chef, back then ! I had a urge to learn, some say it paid off in the end, I think about it  in a different way, I see it from a different perspective, I believe I lost that "urge", since it became more of a job then a hobby .... My friendship with Joe helped me become more professional up to  a certain point ! he was more a friend then a teacher I valued our friendship a lot! I considered him a brother not just a friend... I shared all of my secrets and whatever happened to me he would know, I was an open book for to him. On the other hand I knew little bout him, his private life was mystery and rarely shared what was going on in his mind ,  good or bad.

He always told me  "Hotei, you should listen to your heart more...if you love Ta chan just go ahead..... now that things are different, and the end could turn out to  be different too"

For me it was out of the question! I was always a stubborn guy! so if I thought of something no one could put it off  my mind !!! Now I was writing a story with Cassidy and that was it!! it was a feeling of equal strength ( always if  it is possible to love two persons at the same time) but I believe you can, at least it felt like so  !

Days  went on and on and I was more and more certain of what I wanted from my life. Ta Chan had  to leave once again for Japan, and to be honest with you this time it was not painful in any way I didn't even miss her a second ..could be the fact that I knew she would be back soon, back to her place here now called home...

Joe dated and dated and he became more distant and cold to all of us...he would come back when things went bad and he needed consolation.Or if he thought it was to much, he would drown his sorrows in drinking ,trying to sort out the mess left by that affair.. he sometimes needed a good "hug" a "Menly hug" he called it !! and I had to be the deliverer!!

Welcome back home!   

Hum ... it must have been a month or so ..and Ta chan was back to her home :). It was nice having her back! only then I knew that I would have missed her only not realizing it. 

This time she had a gift for me :)) A gift I will never forget!! well actually she gad three gifts!! she came back with a traditional sports Fan !! still have it hanging in my room!! a Yen ...lost the Yen :( I used to keep it around my neck as a lucky charm...lost it may be while swimming . And she gave me a digital camera!! A Konika Minolta !! I loved it I never had a camera let alone a digital one !! back then digital cameras were never seen on the Island!! I still cherish it !! Ta chan gave me the love for photography with that gift !  To this day my love for capturing a moment is immense and I never go out without my camera ..you never know when you need to freeze a moment for eternity !! ( well the Konika refused to work in freezing condition last year as I was visiting a friend in north England, so had to buy a new one) but I still keep it and make it work every now and then :)  .

She might say goodbye after all ...

Ta chan received  an invitation from an Embassy since she had control over several languages.. they offered her a good wage and a very good job ( definitely more successful and more repaying then wondering around tables in a restaurant ). The Portuguese Embassy gave her a week  to think about it ..she was exited to the fact that they have approached  her  for such a prestigious position ...but she rejected the invitation in the end ..she said that her Portuguese was not that fluent and the fact that she had to move to Portugal did not move her  after all she was here ...home ...