An award caught in a web!

Hello everyone! 

I must thank Michelle from the Blog Vintagecobweb  for nominating me for the Fabulous blog award!. 

I must say that I was trilled to receive such a nomination!. Its always good to know that there are people who actually bother to stop and take their time to read your blog, even if many times is not a great work of   literature, but HEY I'm  doing my best to improve my English!. 

Wisely Michelle did not include any rules with this award, which comes as a relief  to say the truth, as these days don't have much time to write and be able to follow what is going on in the blog world.

Thank you very much indeed  Michelle, its an honour to accept this award!. 

Pictures by google images

  

A hasty decision...

Only God knows how much I prayed, only God knows what kind of thoughts passed trough my head. I was on the verge of insanity. How could have this happen to me? how? and why?. I always thought I knew what I wanted from my life, I was sure I knew. But there I was, lost and confused.

I needed time to be alone, to think things over. I wanted to be away from everyone and everything. But its hard when you have commitments, and even harder when the farther you can be is just a few km away, and most probably or eventually will meet or bump into someone you know to remind you of who you are and where you come from, these are the disadvantages of living on an island measuring 14/27 km!.

For days I avoided opening my laptop and for days I heard this voice coming out of it calling my name and asking me to go back. I was going mad.

Then a godsend!, my friend from the UK invited Cass and me to stay over her house for a few days. I accepted without any hesitation, and Cass looked quite trilled too to the idea. The invitation came at the right time and moment, it was what the both of us needed.

I left the voices in my head back home and left to the quiet of the English countryside. It was what I needed, it was what the both of us needed. At the back of my head Guga was still a constant, but everyday that passed he felt distant and even more distant. It was like, I could see clearly again, he was still lingered in my head but I felt like I knew what was happening to me. I felt somehow, some what reborn!. It felt good...

Extended my stay by 4 more days, travelled south to London, and booked a lovely room in a small hotel, situated in the centre (for those who knows the TV series upstairs downstairs, it was one of those old mentions renovated and turned to boutique hotels). Very romantic, we had all the time and quiet we needed and wanted.

Loved to hear you breath while you sleep..

Loved to feel your warm breath on my chest...

Waking beside you...warm..

while outside was cold....

Listening to the rain while we both felt into deep sleep...

On my return home I knew what I wanted to do..... I knew it was a very hasty decision, but I was sure I wanted to do it!. There was no other options, and I felt like it was my  make me or break me decision...this would have been the final answer, I would have all of the answers I needed or simply loose everything I had . All that I wanted to know would have come to me, only...would it be all the same? and would I take it? and mostly important, what will Cassidy think?....would we survive this as-well?...

Its not always easy to share, to be continued ...

Pictures by tumblr and Hotei.

Thank you Kuma, Fahima and Nina.

My dear listeners of whispers, here I am again presenting you with a challenge and an award!.

The challenge was presented to me by Kuma form the blog
Virgulas do Destino .

And the award for the very inspiring blogger award was presented by Fahima from the blog      Walking in the woods  

And to my surprise a second Very inspiring blogger award presented to me by Nina from the blog Nothing 



I must take this opportunity to thank them for thinking of me and my blog, and I must not forget you my dear listeners of whispers that come visit and follow this humble corner of the web.

The Honesty Game

The mentioned challenge is as follows, one question is asked and one must reply to it in the most honest way possible.

Now the question is in Portuguese, so for those like me that are incapable of reading and speaking Portuguese I had mine translated!. 

 If the person you love says she is in love with another person what would you say?

Now this is a tough one!.  The first answer that come to my mind is a simple I don't know but this wont leave much room for discussion doesn't it?. I am a person quite open minded and as many of you might know as my readers and followers I have been in such situation!, not that I am proud of it but life have played these tricks on me a few times. Many times I was on the verge of "insanity" the much I thought about this subject (only in reverse!).

If the love of my life tells me she is in love with another person, I would probably freak out at first, then most probably 99.9% I would calm down faster then it have started. I would probably understand or not understand but pretend to understand (pretty confusing isn't it?)or make my utmost to understand why and how.

The answer of this question in my opinion resides in the question itself!

 If the person you love says she is in love with another person what would you say?

 "If the person you love" if I love this person other sentiments will get involve with love itself  such as jealousy!, perhaps anger, and why not dare say a hint of possession!. But if I love this person wouldn't I want the best and only the best of happiness to her,  right?. So letting this person go is a true manifestation of love itself!. As much as it might hurt me I would let this person go, walk away hoping she don't look back as this would probably break my heart even more...




 Hope I have answered the question in the most honest way possible.

__________________________________________


For my second nomination/s from my friends Fahima and Nina 

The Very inspiring blogger award! 

The Rules:
1. Nominate other bloggers for the award and link back to them. 
2. Link back to the blogger who nominated you and thank them.
3. Post the award logo on your page.
4. Share 7 facts about yourself.

So here come the 7 facts about me!. 

* I'm a stubborn person...like..very stubborn!. 

* I'm incapable of doing any home DIY stuff but then I can do crafts (How this is possible? don't ask me!). 

* Ever wondered why I list Italy as my country? well I think in Italian... my thoughts are done in Italian!.  

* My biggest flaw? I'm simply to good many times!.

* How I ended up writing a blog? absolutely no idea!!!  ask destiny!.  

* I simply hate touch phones! I had one for the past 2 1/2 years and can't send a proper text message :/ 

* I'm a sucker for cats! I simply adore them!.   

My nominations go to...well I am going to break the rules here I am not nominating any blogs or bloggers, as I am not reading much lately!.  

I thank my dear friends Kuma, Fahima and Nina for the nomination, I love you! :) 

Pictures The Web

The howling

Many times I loose my self in endless thoughts, thoughts that feel like soft lullabies inside my head, played over and over until I finally wake up to know it was all for real...


You might think you know people but at the end of the day you can never really know a person... isn't this the horrible cold truth?.

Sometimes love is all about letting go, that is a constant reminder I put to my self. You might think I was cold and distant, perhaps I hid my true emotions for a reason that I was to scared to face, you showed yourself true and pure, opened all of what you are to me, trusting me, even if I was just a stranger narrating nonsense. Now I learned, like I learn every day I live, committing the same mistakes over and over realising every time that I am on the edge.

Now I look at you from the distance, not sure if you still remember me if you can still remember my face and my voice...

Angel of mine you came into my life just like a storm, quick and strong and left without leaving a trace of you.




She was just like the wind....

Late at night she came silently,

With her long black hair,

Endless beauty, capturing eyes,

Sweet and kind,

Came silent just like the wind

Touched me just like the wind

Bit me just like the wind

Froze me just like the wind

Embraced me just like the wind

You cut me just like the wind

You went away just like the wind

People are like instruments, we only have to learn how to play them, pressing the right keys, pulling the right cords. Fine tuning them till we learn to listen even without hearing any sound... I remember your sound clearly like it was just yesterday. Yesterday I promised my self to let you go, I promised not to play your cords any more, I will just listen quietly from the distance hearing your music played from the distance. Wondering if you ever wonder about me....wondering if we will ever play the old chant together.   


Angel of mine once again I say goodbye, even if deep inside I know this is not the last time I'll be calling your name, somehow I know...somehow I want to believe. I was and still am grateful to have met you, I still believe that meeting you was a sign of fate. I don't regret a single second of it, you made me find myself again when I was falling in this void, you were there for me like many others showing that there was still a reason to believe in dreams even if some dreams would have never had to come true...I wish you  good fortune my love...


Love Hotei...  

Picture by Hotei 

A knight in rusted armour

Grim topic you have chosen my love, very grim indeed... if you think about it. Not quite suitable for the night I thought. But quite fascinating in its metaphoric meaning. Lately the subject raised more then just once, perhaps a sign?, or just pure coincidence. Or may be its just in my head,  many times I fear you discovered my long kept secret...

We die two times in our life, when we close our eyes for the last time and when our name is called for the last time.

Watching your vivid eyes shimmering to the flickering candle lights curious and exited peeking trough a golden mark made me see what made me fall for you. A constant fall in this bottomless pit of dreams sometimes warm and comforting, other times cold and dark.   

"Your my knight in shining armour"  you said, I smiled and fell in love all over again, just like I do every time I find the guts to look deeply into your eyes.

Even on the day were I was suppose to be away from it all, destiny followed me and guess something more then just destiny. Its funny and scary at the same time, "it" recognised me even if I hid behind my gilded mask. "Castille" it read, I smiled and set down quietly to the table, you leaned down gently and whispered the word "destiny". I am not sure what scared me more, to see that destiny followed me or to hear you utter such word upon discovering our placement. But if all this meant to fall more and more for you I am more then happy to feel such fear.

Isn't  it funny how we let the past alter our future, how a tiny event leave big repercussions upon our lives, the way we change our way of thinking the way we act.

I thought I would have to loose you along the way, but you stayed besides me, picking up the bits and pieces I left behind. Loving every single bit of me for what I am, for what I have to give.

I have to retain my self as a lucky person to encounter such a person along my way, you sacrificed you for me not giving a toss what others thought, you synchronised to my rhythm... slowed down when I did... forgetting the world out there never looking back.

A knight in shining armour you called me. I have long forgotten those words, almost I feel uncomfortable to hear them placed on the same sentence with my name. It have been a long time since I wore my armour to lead you out of the dark woods, way to much, to the point of forgetting the way out. At the very end I will have to face and fight my demons, wanting it or not.  

Picture by google images 

Two awards one blog.

Once again I must thank my dear friend and faithful reader Gwanni from the blog "Virgulas do destino" for nominating me for not one! but two awards!. I take this opportunity to thank you all my dear listeners of whispers. For visiting regularly and support this corner, from my heart I must say that I appreciate it a lot. Hope I be able to get on track with my reading list again, days have been hectic lately. 

This is the first badge I have been awarded ....  

       ...the nominated blogs will be awarded this badge as a sign of gratitude. 


For the first badge I have been asked these 11 questions, which I will be passing on to you. 

The questions we have to answer are:

* If you could go back, what would you change in your life?

 I think if I would go back I would not change a thing,
 for the simple reason I would not be the person I am today. 

* If the world ended tomorrow, what would you do?

Keep calm and continue living the last moments probably with people I love. 

* You prefer the Field (countryside)  or the City?

Both have a certain charm I guess but as I live in a small village I think I love more the countryside most. 

* Tennis or high heels?

LOL ok I can't even remotely imagine myself in heals! I already mop the floor in my pumps!.  

* What is the most embarrassing moment you spent and why?

I guess one of the worst was telling my "in-laws" a stupid joke about how could anyone have such horrible taste and choose a blue bathroom set...moment later you ask to use the loo and guess what? they had a blue bathroom....(no wonder they did not laugh!!!).  

* Someone owes you an apology?

Half the people I know...the other half I own them one. 

* When you travel, what is one item you can't miss?

Toothbrush!.


* What is your favourite perfume?

Easy..."Echo" .

* What do you think before you go to sleep?

Did I set my alarm?...have I locked my car?...have I switched of the bathroom  lights?.

* What is your city of choice Portuguese?

No idea never been to Portugal!.

* What subjects do you like to read more in the blogosphere?

Personal.

___________________________________________________________________

To compliment this nomination I was nominated for my 3rd Liebster blog award!. 

Here are some rules I yet again found on the omnipotent google!. 

I'll try to stick as much as possible to the rules!. 

Here are the questions proposed to me. 

What is the origin of the name of your blog?. 

Well this is kind of easy, while thinking what I should have named my blog (it should have been diary of a grown up or something like that!) I received a call from Cassidy, now my ringtone was the song "The last song I'm wasting on you" and one of the first lines is "Any more then a whisper" and I thought this will perfectly fit!. 

Your blog is a part of you, do people know about it or do you keep it as a secret?.

Its a secret! only one friend knows about it!. (That's you Tory!!)

What is your favorite place to think?.

My bedroom or by the sea...

What is your biggest dream?.

Making my dreams come true! ;) 

Have you done something crazy for love?.

Yes! and most were related to food!. Like sneaking chocolate truffles in hospital! drive for 3 hours to buy a spring-roll ect...ect...

Do you collect something?.

Yes! perfumes!, and antiques!.

Still treasure an object from your childhood?. 

Yes! a hand puppet of a bear, and a t-shirt gifted to me from my aunt that died a few days later she gave it to me... 

If you could get a story in which Barrier?. 

Hope I got this right, I cant quite picture it. Personal I guess...

Romeo & Juliet or Titanic?.

Definitely  Romeo & Juliet!. 

What is the earliest memory you remember?.

Age 2 playing in the sand on the beach with a black plastic speedboat with a yellow driver!. 

Do you have a strange habit or do something that you think you are the only person to do it?. 

Not sure...but lately got this bad habit of touching my beard with my tongue!  quite disgusting if you think about it, but quite a comforting feeling!!. 

Now one must tell 11 things about him\her self.

1. I most of the times write my real name instead of Hotei. 
2. I'm a hygiene freak. 
3. I learned to speak Italian before my own mother language!.
4. I can actually sing without braking your drums....but must be a bit tipsy to do so!. 
5. I am incapable of lying. Or if I do I get caught. 
6. Still have my beard from my last  Liebster award!.
7. I'm a coffee lover. 
8. I'm an awful dancer. 
9. I have a forged permit! Shhhh! don't tell ;)
10. I couldn't care less about "eurovision".
11. I get inspired when I wear my red woolly socks!....True!... seriously!.

Now my questions!. 

1. First thing that comes to your head when you hear the word chocolate!. 
2. Most happy moment in your life?
3. Do you play a musical instrument? if yes what is it? if no, would you like to learn one?.
4. A picture you treasure!.
5. What motivates you?.
6. Continue the sentence. If I was a _________I would________ .
7.  What makes you write?.
8. Why have you started your blog?.
9. One thing you hate about you?.
10. You are addicted to?.
11. What would be the last words you'll say if you were under the guillotine?.

And the nominees are...   

(Sorry won't nominate 11 not reading much lately!)

These are the 3 blogs I visited lately. 

K                               Panic on board

Arrakis            Melange'

 ? ;)                              One Big Mistake and some...

I congratulate the nominees for the good work on their respective blogs.

Pictures google images 

  

The other side of the mirror....my version

Back then when I resigned from my old job, found out that none of my friend were left waiting for me and most probably none wanted to have anything to do with the person I have become.

Now with more time on my hand I had discovered new interests, but as soon as winter made its self feel I had no option but to stay home. To break a little the daily monotony I started using a social network (hi5). It was all going fine till I started sharing pictures of my self and most of the “friends” started commenting on my image and asking for sex and video calls. I was not looking for a relationship, but I was looking for a friendship nothing else nothing more.

On the day I was suppose to delete my account, a request I sent was accepted, and a short while after I was having a nice conversation with a guy from across the ocean his name was Joao (I then nicknamed him Gwanni, translated from my mother language).

I shared my world with him and he showed me his world. An unknown gravity made me go back every single day, craving to know more about this new friend and about his world. Days passed and it was time for me to remove my account once and for all....

...I needed to escape from the network ...back then I was more retained more closed into-myself, I was not always like that but the events that occurred in my life made me change the person I was once...

I was scared, and somehow hated many of the proposals I was receiving, events in my life made me scared almost “homophobic”. Don't get me wrong I never done anything or discriminated anyone, I was just scared, again life happenings made me be scared.

But I somehow new this was not just an ordinary friendship it felt from the very beginning that something much more bigger was to be conceived. It was a friendship that would have not know any boundaries no distance and asked nothing in return ….just to listen and understand .

Thanks Gwanni,

Your friend C.  

The Other Side Of the Mirror

My new adventure on social network started deteriorating day by day, I was disgusted by many of the users asking for virtual sex. I was sick of them and their comments, I was not looking for a relation or to have some fun with an unknown person from God knows where, I just wanted a friendship or someone to talk to and relive me from my boring mornings as my friends were all gone back then!.

Now many started commenting on my image and pictures I appeared in, so I removed all of my personal pictures and replaced them with others...all I kept was my real name and country.

It was then when I met my dear friend Gwanni (John) it was my last day but the replies of him made me smile so I thought it was worth to keep a little longer.


My dear friends this is the version of the facts from the other side of the monitor, given by my friend Gwanni, the friend I met that day and never regretted I did, he kindly agreed to share his version and I am now glad to post this on his behalf.

The other side of the mirror 

In that month, when I realised my dream and opened my own store, I decided to “get back to origins” and opened a new hi5 account. I closed my account one year and half before, when my dear Kit-chi passed away. Together and even before him, I had so much good moments in hi5! Meet there a lot of friends – had more than 5000 friends there, from all over the World. ^^

This decision of returning to hi5 was very important to me – it means that I was finally ready to move on, after so much time suffering and even being in the hands of death, months earlier.

I'm a very leery boy [not that I like to be], but life made me be like that. When I meet new persons I tend to take some time to really trust them. I like to meet persons in social networks, in particular in the old days of hi5. Comparing it with Facebook  for example  I would prefer the good old hi5, because there you could only share things with those you like and those who were your friends there – now Facebook has that kind of settings too, but it took too much time. 

Either way, I still preferred the hi5 for meeting people.

Well, those reasons and the fact that I love to meet persons and their cultures from all over the World, made me return to hi5. My return wasn't going like I was used. In a year and half, many things changed. People changed a lot, turning to be more interested in “sex” and “webcam shows” than friendships. 

I got disappointed with persons, day by day. 

In the end, had only one friend in Mexico who was interesting enough to make me go again to talk there. But, even her got a boyfriend and left hi5. I decided to give up too. In my last day there, one beautiful day, a person called Sam send me a Friend Request. 

I was browsing and then heard a email coming.

Went see it. 

Saw the email. 

It was a Friend Request from hi5. 

Looked to the picture. It was a very interesting picture. A person, in a black and white photo, half naked, smiling kirky and hugging them self  hiding the boobs, with a very caring eyes-looking. The hair was short, like many girls do have now, but I thought:

“Fits her well!

She seems nice, lets give a try!” – I smiled happy and went once again to hi5. ^^

I was surprised.

Somehow, I felt that this person was to be special. I accepted this Friend Request and very soon, Sam sends me a message, saying:

“Thank you for accept my friend request!

My name is Sam, and you? :0)”  

I was still puzzled!

Was Sam a boy or a girl?

In my opinion  Sam could be the short name for Samuel [boy’s name] or Samantha [girl’s name].  So that’s why I was confused! :P

Well, I didn't want to hurt Sam’s feelings, but I was very curious to know!

So in my replying message, I asked “nicely” if he was a boy or a “tomboy”! *blushes*

Sam replied very soon again, asking me why I was asking that! 

Ended the reply, saying he was a boy! xD

I replied again explaining my doubts. 

Somehow, I knew I believe him. 

Deep inside, I felt I could really trust him! 

Sam loved the explanation! 

Send me a long message, with tons of questions about me and my country!

[Also explained me about the picture, that wasn't of him - it was a very cute girl, like I thought first!] 

[Sam is really cute too, btw!] :P

Once again, I replied and answered all his questions. I asked him a lot of things too, as I love to know more about different countries. He lives in a place across the ocean, a place that I never went, at least in this life – but will go in one of these days! ;D

We soon enough found we were very similar in many aspects. Day by day, we left comments in the murals of each one and for more personal questions, we used to left messages to each other.

A month after we met first time on hi5, Sam send me his email,with a small note:

“Just in case you wanna know me more!  ;o)” 

Of course I wanted to know him more…

An amazing story had began!

A story of a friendship that asked nothing in return, just to listen...and understand.

Pictures and story provided by Virgulas do Destino

My name is John.

Winter made itself feel in its mighty glory just a few days after our return. With lots of time on my hand and most days I was unable to leave home due to the terrible weather, I discovered something that I have long forgotten....It was then when I triggered a hidden force, something I called destiny...

Brought to the light an old gift that for long it have been forgotten. I needed to kill some time and this gift seemed to show up to me at the right time.

What made me  join a social network, I have absolutely  no idea! but there I was, signing up on one. May be just to kill some time, or may be just to make new friends, as my friends have long departed me. Signed up and just after a very small while I received my very first request. It was kind of fun to interact with so many different cultures and ideas from across the globe. I loved a good discussion and loved the comments I started receiving about my pictures...loved to explain about my country and the places in my pictures...for many my country was new, never heard of.

It was fun until it lasted...I started receiving odd requests and soon I discovered that it was a bad idea to join a social network were everyone could see you and add you. Many started to be quite annoying and many times I founded them offensive. Just a few weeks after opening an account there I was!, signing in for the last time to trash my account. But that did not happen, received a comment on one of the posts I had on my profile, then a few minutes later received more comments about more pictures. Somehow I knew it was worth to keep the account may be just a little longer, after all there were good people there too...and after all it was a good choice to keep the account a little longer.

My name is John he said... it was the start of a true and strong friendship from across the ocean.... 

 Picture by google images 

The Kiss by Gustav Klimt 

My profile picture at the time 

In love again.

For so many years I locked my self and neglected my own self and most of all I ignored my loved one. Now it was the ideal time to make something and revert all this and make up for the time lost.

The only logical ting was to spend as much time as possible with each other, after all for years we left many things unsaid and left our relationship deteriorate slowly, without doing anything about it. Perhaps I have to blame my own self for this, she always gave me all of herself and all that she had, now it was time to give her something back.

Slowly we started coming closer again, it kind of felt like a new feeling discovering it for the first time... 

At the end of summer left for a small retreat just the two of us our destination was London. I can remember it very clearly, I was so trilled only left the island 5 years before, I have....we have changed so much during these years I felt like rediscovering my own self. It have been a very long time since we had time to be close and alone. Making love the first night felt different, I was different, she was different I felt  like a stranger in my own skin. Perhaps I needed more time to come out of this, it was a slow recovery and the most ting I hated about it was that it was not allowing me to see her feelings clearly, I could not feel the warmth I was used to, she felt somehow distant.

I watched her sleep that night, I could not sleep, my mind was crowded with thoughts. I had it all I thought, I now let it all go. I felt ashamed of my own self, she deserved better I thought. That night we were on the same bed but yet felt distant...there I promised that I will give her more of myself.

Each day that passed we found more and more of what made this flame start, making love now became more of what I used to know, no longer I felt ashamed of laying beside her in her sleep. It felt safe to hold hands again nothing could harm us or break us apart.

Just like every journey it had to come to an end, mine was no difference. Came back home brand new, overflowing with emotions, one of the best feelings I ever felt in my entire life. We were in love again, just like the first time.

 As we found each other again and our long lost feelings, destiny had something lurking for us that would make our world crumble and fall, just like a very sick joke played softly like a lullaby by a stronger and bigger force something that only time had power over it... 

Pictures by tumblr

Once upon a chapel's step

"Wait!... stop there" Cassidy told me, holding my hand and calling our stroll in the city to a halt.
 Looked back at her and asked her what was the matter.
"Walk... go a little further, she said smiling".
I walked a couple of passes and looked back at her again .."what? what is it?" I asked her.
 "Nothing silly...you have grown a beard! she said laughing".
 "And now you notice?" I replied smiling.
She laughed and walked next to me "meant, you have grown quite a lot since last time we walked down these stairs".
"Right!" I said.....


Took out my trusted camera and snapped a picture of the "scenario" as a reminder...

Time really flies, almost 9 years ago I exchanged one of my very first kiss with Cassidy on the doorsteps of this chapel...

On the door step of this chapel, followed my dream's.

On these steps I wished for something real.

Then set fire to the dream's I so longed for. 

Now  here I am backtracking what I lost.

On these steps I dreamt a life, a happy life. 

Looking back at the past 9 years I notice how much we both have changed, how much we have grown. Perhaps our feelings changed too. Its different when you see life from the eyes of a young man, growing up you start realising that life can be no fairytale. There is much that can lead a relation to crumble. 

"Want to do what we left undone 9 years ago?" Cassidy asked me smiling. 

"And what we have left undone?" I smiled back.

                                                               And then we kissed...

Today I look back and can see the path I have chosen, I can see it but I cant take the same path back. I have so much to hold onto, I have made so many mistakes, I have lost direction many times, but guess that makes me only human. I have come so far, we have learnt so much from each other on this adventure called life... 

  

  

Picture by Hotei