The rain whispered.

Destiny is what created this blog and guess its destiny that is knocking on my door again. Just by coincidence wanted to read the last actual post I wrote, it have been a long while and I could not remember what was it or what it talked about. It was ordinary. Yes just like me, but there! something made me smile. Something made me say the old words "ah! destiny" long time I did not mention you!. And here you are again on my threshold waiting and waving for me. What was it you ask? "Monday, 24 February 2014" the same date as today! call that a coincidence!.



I do not know how many times I have come here and stared for hours at a blank screen. Perhaps hitting a few buttons and then moments later hit the delete button and erase all in mere seconds.

But unexpected events, warm whispers from distant friends keep coming at night, waking me up. Sweet hauntings, mellow lullabies. This I cannot delete, these I cannot turn my back too. And guess this is how it all started on a cold rainy day. Days like these make me feel the want to write. Perhaps the charcoal grey of the sky reminds me of the traces the pen leaves on a blank page. The smell of winter and the tight grasp of all that is winter drags me to this nostalgic state of mind. The cold wind howling, raindrops frantically bombing my window and the smell of wet grass, yes this is it the perfect recipe for winter. The perfect setting for me to remember. The perfect time for words and thoughts to sprout.

Still it is not easy to pick the exact words I want to say, its not easy to break the thick layer of ice that it has been created, but even the biggest of journeys have its start with a very humble beginning.

What to say? ordinary! that is me, that is what it have become of me. Still cashing my dreams, new dreams, its funny it never stops  a vicious circle this is!!. always wanting more, always looking for something new as insignificant or bombastic as it may be. So nothing really have changed you may think, perhaps not much, its the same old me. The same old me missing my dear friends and missing this world of words and thoughts.

Sometimes I take a little peek at this magical world for a tiny while but unfortunately it stops there, other times I grab a notebook that came across the ocean and a pen that the waves brought on these shores long before, but it stops there, words simply don't flow.

Even now I look at these few lines and the only word I seem to find fitting is eclectic. That's me always wanting to make a lot, starting a hundreds of  tasks and finish none of them. And I guess this is another beginning, another chapter of my life, a fresh page.... this thanks to you for waking me up dear rain...dear friends...and here it starts...

Picture by tumblr

The Bad Blogger.

Hello all my dear friends, 

                           I know...  lately I have been a very bad Blogger. I neglected a lot this corner I so love, yet you all are always on my mind and I miss you all very much!. In fact I wish to thank you all of those who remembered me and sent me a message, this meant a lot to me :)  

It is not that I have abandoned my corner, not at all... in fact, I have many ten's of post unpublished that wish I could post now, but they all need that little polish before shared to the world if you know what I mean!.  

The truth is that I have been very busy, priorities they call them... and never really found enough time or strength left to publish or even visit at least one of you my dear friends. Hopefully!, things will be back to normality soon, at least I hope so!. 

Well my dear listeners of Whispers I'm afraid I must say goodbye now, till then stay safe. 

Yours Hotei. 

    

Thank you

A small tribute to you my friend, for the lovely wishes and thoughtful gifts...

Picture by hotei ©

Sail me back home

The dreams we shared are slowly taking shape. Worked so hard to achieve the goals we've set and finally we are so close to collect the fruits from the plants that we planted a few years back. Collecting the fruits will not result in the end but hopefully just the start.

Time is going on by without giving us the time to realise, last June I was mourning a love (a friendship) that could and never be part of my life. Came across more then just emotions, my path kept crossing more and more people, some of them readers that perhaps wanted to know the face behind this mask. Or others, that felt like they knew me for a long while, from here I send all of my love to you all my dear friends.

Working to hard you told me. Well I don't mind I always reply, as long as the result shows, in the end that makes it all worthwhile working for, no matter how hard that might turn out to be.

...

"All work and no play makes jack a dull boy you told me with a grin on your face, and besides its your birthday you deserve it... Hoo what a day that was".

...

The sun was shining in its full glory, but yet a soft cold breeze kept making us hold back from calling it summer. You held on tightly to my arm as we set sail to the north, the waves gently rocked our boat while the  golden sun shimmered on the water somehow making us feel almost dizzy. Your eyes picked up notes from the golden strokes reflected on the waves making that moment even more enchanting.

Reached for my hand as we stared at the deep blue water making us question if what we had in front of us was real or just a figment of our imagination. The water kept calling us, inviting us to play with the cheeky waves. The waves were at times  teasing us  trying to reach our feet hanging down from behind the railing. Not long we were over come by the wanting, to feel the salty water on our skin, making us regret it the minute we dipped our toes in the freezing water.

Among a thousand people, giggles, laughs and smiles only one face was familiar to me, the only face I could see, the only face I know. It reminded me of a passed perfect day while we shivered in the icy crystal clear waters. Yet the setting made it all worthwhile and made me forget the other thousand faces surrounding me. The one smile I know, the smile on her face, a smile I could recognize among a thousand smiles.

Yet again the day had to come to an end, but not before a promise to return to this enchanted place, giving life to sleeping memories and giving birth to new paragraphs in this book called life.

For all of those who remembered my birthday, for all of the wonderful wishes I thank you my dear friends.

Pictures by Hotei ©

Feet in the sand

The wind blew strong yesterday somehow, somewhat coldish, its just like winter still wants to linger a bit longer here. The clouds hid the sun from us giving us only a glimpse of sunshine.  Still this did not stop us from meeting and yet again watch another sunset...

 

Everyday is a bonus, she mumbled to me again while dipping for the first time this year our feet in the cold waters. I wrapped myself warm in my blue cardigan, holding to it as the wind blew strong almost making us tumble. "come on! its not that cold" she said with a smirk on her face, she knows us islanders can't stand the cold. Thinking that last June we were already bathing in the same waters, and today we were shivering by just standing there looking at the mighty waves.  Looked back at Cassidy sitting on the sand all wrapped up trying to trap any heat wanting to escape trough the plastic cup that she was tightly holding in the palm of her hands. She gave us a grin and waved back to us.

"I'm so pleased I can be still here with you, this is what makes me go on, fighting time, making the most of the little I have left". What an amazing woman she is I thought, grateful for every breath she takes. I want to grow old just like her, holding no regrets, just memories dear to me, with the people I love and making the most while they are still here.

Walked along the beach already crowded with people trying to make the most of the little sun that escaped trough the cloudy sky. We made it next to Cassidy and shared a few smiles and a few chocolates snapping a few last shots to capture the beauty within that windy day, shared with people dear to me.

Left the beach with the promise to come back soon, to share more memories and even more smiles. It would have not been a complete day if not ended with a sunset. Watched it from home..our home..having tea with a soft whisper of a breeze promising  that summer will be here soon...

Pictures by Hotei ©

Reminiscences...

 I lost count on how many times I promised not to write about  you... 

But how can you drown the will to put a stop to the constant loss of those sweet memories...

 I lost count on how many times I promised not to think of you... 

 But how can you not think, when everything reminds me of you...  

 I lost count on how many times I promised not to dream of you...

 But who can ever decide what one dreams... 

I know you wish me to be gone, but yet I know something holds you back from leaving the thought of me behind. Darling you delivered your bleeding heart to me, but I was simply too scared to hold your hand. God knows how much it hurt me to see you depart, and God knows how hard it was to force my lips shut and utter no sound.

I have tried to ignore this feeling but yet something pulls me back to you over and over again. I promise that I will never shatter your world again, not for fear to break my own as mine turned to ashes the day you turned your back and walked away...far...without ever looking back.

How can you deny there was love where once there was emptiness... now it hurts even more to know we drown our feelings to deny each other...thus we do.

Alas, you had to leave, I will not weep for you today, but will shed a tear of joy as gratitude for coming into my life and fill it with short happy moments....moments I'll treasure trough my whole life.

Darling you came into my life faster then thunder and then left even more fast. You did not stay long into my life, but just long enough to leave your imprint on this thick skinned man.  

Darling I send you my love and a reminder that I'll always be here for you now and always... 

Picture by tumblr 

Sail me to shore

Katie Melua - If You Were A Sailboat

Last year this time we were planing how our life would have change in a year or so. Much have changed but we are still far from the goals we've set, far yet so close...

Guess all we have to do is to keep believing in the dreams we shared, we still share them after all. One day soon...very soon I hope... will become a reality.

Last year this time we walked down a sandy beach while the cool wind from the sea caressed our faces warmed by the soft sun of May. Our heart beating fast like a steam engine trying to catch up our breath  as we reached the shore...and feel the cold waters upon our feet. 

I remember it all as if it was only yesterday. Spent hours looking at a sailing boat gently rocking in the sea. And  we wondered how it would feel to be a sail-boat and wander from shore to shore. Wouldn't it be lovely?...

I remember the cold waters on our naked feet as we ran all the way back acting like kids again, or perhaps cause I fell in love again in that very moment...and yet again time seemed to have stopped. 

Thought it would have been a day just like every other ordinary day..walking silently along the sea hand in hand, perhaps...not uttering any word, letting a smile..a smirk transmit our feelings. 

Wouldn't it be lovely...if we could sit again on the same moist red sand sharing the beach with no one. And wouldn't it be lovely to find again the memories we left behind...I dearly keep these images of us, the beach, and that calm sail-boat almost enchanting on that perfect day. 

If you were a sail-boat I'll sail you to the same safe shore, I'll sail you safe through the storms. Not afraid of the high waves and the violent winds as they will blow me to this enchanted place, making me forget what we have just been through. I don't mind as long I'll have you. 

We soon had to go, the day got fast short, and we were no longer alone. But just before we turned our back, a last stare,  waved goodbye to that sail-boat promised we be back again to that very same shore, perhaps on another perfect day... 

For the words I never say, the feelings many times I don't show.

Bust just because I don't shout them out to the entire world it doesn't mean I don't love you... 

Thank you my love for reading my mind and understanding me even if many times my lips don't let out the words you expect to hear...

Pictures by Hotei 

Lyrics & music Katie Melua 

An award caught in a web!

Hello everyone! 

I must thank Michelle from the Blog Vintagecobweb  for nominating me for the Fabulous blog award!. 

I must say that I was trilled to receive such a nomination!. Its always good to know that there are people who actually bother to stop and take their time to read your blog, even if many times is not a great work of   literature, but HEY I'm  doing my best to improve my English!. 

Wisely Michelle did not include any rules with this award, which comes as a relief  to say the truth, as these days don't have much time to write and be able to follow what is going on in the blog world.

Thank you very much indeed  Michelle, its an honour to accept this award!. 

Pictures by google images

  

Thank you Kuma, Fahima and Nina.

My dear listeners of whispers, here I am again presenting you with a challenge and an award!.

The challenge was presented to me by Kuma form the blog
Virgulas do Destino .

And the award for the very inspiring blogger award was presented by Fahima from the blog      Walking in the woods  

And to my surprise a second Very inspiring blogger award presented to me by Nina from the blog Nothing 



I must take this opportunity to thank them for thinking of me and my blog, and I must not forget you my dear listeners of whispers that come visit and follow this humble corner of the web.

The Honesty Game

The mentioned challenge is as follows, one question is asked and one must reply to it in the most honest way possible.

Now the question is in Portuguese, so for those like me that are incapable of reading and speaking Portuguese I had mine translated!. 

 If the person you love says she is in love with another person what would you say?

Now this is a tough one!.  The first answer that come to my mind is a simple I don't know but this wont leave much room for discussion doesn't it?. I am a person quite open minded and as many of you might know as my readers and followers I have been in such situation!, not that I am proud of it but life have played these tricks on me a few times. Many times I was on the verge of "insanity" the much I thought about this subject (only in reverse!).

If the love of my life tells me she is in love with another person, I would probably freak out at first, then most probably 99.9% I would calm down faster then it have started. I would probably understand or not understand but pretend to understand (pretty confusing isn't it?)or make my utmost to understand why and how.

The answer of this question in my opinion resides in the question itself!

 If the person you love says she is in love with another person what would you say?

 "If the person you love" if I love this person other sentiments will get involve with love itself  such as jealousy!, perhaps anger, and why not dare say a hint of possession!. But if I love this person wouldn't I want the best and only the best of happiness to her,  right?. So letting this person go is a true manifestation of love itself!. As much as it might hurt me I would let this person go, walk away hoping she don't look back as this would probably break my heart even more...




 Hope I have answered the question in the most honest way possible.

__________________________________________


For my second nomination/s from my friends Fahima and Nina 

The Very inspiring blogger award! 

The Rules:
1. Nominate other bloggers for the award and link back to them. 
2. Link back to the blogger who nominated you and thank them.
3. Post the award logo on your page.
4. Share 7 facts about yourself.

So here come the 7 facts about me!. 

* I'm a stubborn person...like..very stubborn!. 

* I'm incapable of doing any home DIY stuff but then I can do crafts (How this is possible? don't ask me!). 

* Ever wondered why I list Italy as my country? well I think in Italian... my thoughts are done in Italian!.  

* My biggest flaw? I'm simply to good many times!.

* How I ended up writing a blog? absolutely no idea!!!  ask destiny!.  

* I simply hate touch phones! I had one for the past 2 1/2 years and can't send a proper text message :/ 

* I'm a sucker for cats! I simply adore them!.   

My nominations go to...well I am going to break the rules here I am not nominating any blogs or bloggers, as I am not reading much lately!.  

I thank my dear friends Kuma, Fahima and Nina for the nomination, I love you! :) 

Pictures The Web

Two awards one blog.

Once again I must thank my dear friend and faithful reader Gwanni from the blog "Virgulas do destino" for nominating me for not one! but two awards!. I take this opportunity to thank you all my dear listeners of whispers. For visiting regularly and support this corner, from my heart I must say that I appreciate it a lot. Hope I be able to get on track with my reading list again, days have been hectic lately. 

This is the first badge I have been awarded ....  

       ...the nominated blogs will be awarded this badge as a sign of gratitude. 


For the first badge I have been asked these 11 questions, which I will be passing on to you. 

The questions we have to answer are:

* If you could go back, what would you change in your life?

 I think if I would go back I would not change a thing,
 for the simple reason I would not be the person I am today. 

* If the world ended tomorrow, what would you do?

Keep calm and continue living the last moments probably with people I love. 

* You prefer the Field (countryside)  or the City?

Both have a certain charm I guess but as I live in a small village I think I love more the countryside most. 

* Tennis or high heels?

LOL ok I can't even remotely imagine myself in heals! I already mop the floor in my pumps!.  

* What is the most embarrassing moment you spent and why?

I guess one of the worst was telling my "in-laws" a stupid joke about how could anyone have such horrible taste and choose a blue bathroom set...moment later you ask to use the loo and guess what? they had a blue bathroom....(no wonder they did not laugh!!!).  

* Someone owes you an apology?

Half the people I know...the other half I own them one. 

* When you travel, what is one item you can't miss?

Toothbrush!.


* What is your favourite perfume?

Easy..."Echo" .

* What do you think before you go to sleep?

Did I set my alarm?...have I locked my car?...have I switched of the bathroom  lights?.

* What is your city of choice Portuguese?

No idea never been to Portugal!.

* What subjects do you like to read more in the blogosphere?

Personal.

___________________________________________________________________

To compliment this nomination I was nominated for my 3rd Liebster blog award!. 

Here are some rules I yet again found on the omnipotent google!. 

I'll try to stick as much as possible to the rules!. 

Here are the questions proposed to me. 

What is the origin of the name of your blog?. 

Well this is kind of easy, while thinking what I should have named my blog (it should have been diary of a grown up or something like that!) I received a call from Cassidy, now my ringtone was the song "The last song I'm wasting on you" and one of the first lines is "Any more then a whisper" and I thought this will perfectly fit!. 

Your blog is a part of you, do people know about it or do you keep it as a secret?.

Its a secret! only one friend knows about it!. (That's you Tory!!)

What is your favorite place to think?.

My bedroom or by the sea...

What is your biggest dream?.

Making my dreams come true! ;) 

Have you done something crazy for love?.

Yes! and most were related to food!. Like sneaking chocolate truffles in hospital! drive for 3 hours to buy a spring-roll ect...ect...

Do you collect something?.

Yes! perfumes!, and antiques!.

Still treasure an object from your childhood?. 

Yes! a hand puppet of a bear, and a t-shirt gifted to me from my aunt that died a few days later she gave it to me... 

If you could get a story in which Barrier?. 

Hope I got this right, I cant quite picture it. Personal I guess...

Romeo & Juliet or Titanic?.

Definitely  Romeo & Juliet!. 

What is the earliest memory you remember?.

Age 2 playing in the sand on the beach with a black plastic speedboat with a yellow driver!. 

Do you have a strange habit or do something that you think you are the only person to do it?. 

Not sure...but lately got this bad habit of touching my beard with my tongue!  quite disgusting if you think about it, but quite a comforting feeling!!. 

Now one must tell 11 things about him\her self.

1. I most of the times write my real name instead of Hotei. 
2. I'm a hygiene freak. 
3. I learned to speak Italian before my own mother language!.
4. I can actually sing without braking your drums....but must be a bit tipsy to do so!. 
5. I am incapable of lying. Or if I do I get caught. 
6. Still have my beard from my last  Liebster award!.
7. I'm a coffee lover. 
8. I'm an awful dancer. 
9. I have a forged permit! Shhhh! don't tell ;)
10. I couldn't care less about "eurovision".
11. I get inspired when I wear my red woolly socks!....True!... seriously!.

Now my questions!. 

1. First thing that comes to your head when you hear the word chocolate!. 
2. Most happy moment in your life?
3. Do you play a musical instrument? if yes what is it? if no, would you like to learn one?.
4. A picture you treasure!.
5. What motivates you?.
6. Continue the sentence. If I was a _________I would________ .
7.  What makes you write?.
8. Why have you started your blog?.
9. One thing you hate about you?.
10. You are addicted to?.
11. What would be the last words you'll say if you were under the guillotine?.

And the nominees are...   

(Sorry won't nominate 11 not reading much lately!)

These are the 3 blogs I visited lately. 

K                               Panic on board

Arrakis            Melange'

 ? ;)                              One Big Mistake and some...

I congratulate the nominees for the good work on their respective blogs.

Pictures google images 

  

The other side of the mirror....my version

Back then when I resigned from my old job, found out that none of my friend were left waiting for me and most probably none wanted to have anything to do with the person I have become.

Now with more time on my hand I had discovered new interests, but as soon as winter made its self feel I had no option but to stay home. To break a little the daily monotony I started using a social network (hi5). It was all going fine till I started sharing pictures of my self and most of the “friends” started commenting on my image and asking for sex and video calls. I was not looking for a relationship, but I was looking for a friendship nothing else nothing more.

On the day I was suppose to delete my account, a request I sent was accepted, and a short while after I was having a nice conversation with a guy from across the ocean his name was Joao (I then nicknamed him Gwanni, translated from my mother language).

I shared my world with him and he showed me his world. An unknown gravity made me go back every single day, craving to know more about this new friend and about his world. Days passed and it was time for me to remove my account once and for all....

...I needed to escape from the network ...back then I was more retained more closed into-myself, I was not always like that but the events that occurred in my life made me change the person I was once...

I was scared, and somehow hated many of the proposals I was receiving, events in my life made me scared almost “homophobic”. Don't get me wrong I never done anything or discriminated anyone, I was just scared, again life happenings made me be scared.

But I somehow new this was not just an ordinary friendship it felt from the very beginning that something much more bigger was to be conceived. It was a friendship that would have not know any boundaries no distance and asked nothing in return ….just to listen and understand .

Thanks Gwanni,

Your friend C.  

The Other Side Of the Mirror

My new adventure on social network started deteriorating day by day, I was disgusted by many of the users asking for virtual sex. I was sick of them and their comments, I was not looking for a relation or to have some fun with an unknown person from God knows where, I just wanted a friendship or someone to talk to and relive me from my boring mornings as my friends were all gone back then!.

Now many started commenting on my image and pictures I appeared in, so I removed all of my personal pictures and replaced them with others...all I kept was my real name and country.

It was then when I met my dear friend Gwanni (John) it was my last day but the replies of him made me smile so I thought it was worth to keep a little longer.


My dear friends this is the version of the facts from the other side of the monitor, given by my friend Gwanni, the friend I met that day and never regretted I did, he kindly agreed to share his version and I am now glad to post this on his behalf.

The other side of the mirror 

In that month, when I realised my dream and opened my own store, I decided to “get back to origins” and opened a new hi5 account. I closed my account one year and half before, when my dear Kit-chi passed away. Together and even before him, I had so much good moments in hi5! Meet there a lot of friends – had more than 5000 friends there, from all over the World. ^^

This decision of returning to hi5 was very important to me – it means that I was finally ready to move on, after so much time suffering and even being in the hands of death, months earlier.

I'm a very leery boy [not that I like to be], but life made me be like that. When I meet new persons I tend to take some time to really trust them. I like to meet persons in social networks, in particular in the old days of hi5. Comparing it with Facebook  for example  I would prefer the good old hi5, because there you could only share things with those you like and those who were your friends there – now Facebook has that kind of settings too, but it took too much time. 

Either way, I still preferred the hi5 for meeting people.

Well, those reasons and the fact that I love to meet persons and their cultures from all over the World, made me return to hi5. My return wasn't going like I was used. In a year and half, many things changed. People changed a lot, turning to be more interested in “sex” and “webcam shows” than friendships. 

I got disappointed with persons, day by day. 

In the end, had only one friend in Mexico who was interesting enough to make me go again to talk there. But, even her got a boyfriend and left hi5. I decided to give up too. In my last day there, one beautiful day, a person called Sam send me a Friend Request. 

I was browsing and then heard a email coming.

Went see it. 

Saw the email. 

It was a Friend Request from hi5. 

Looked to the picture. It was a very interesting picture. A person, in a black and white photo, half naked, smiling kirky and hugging them self  hiding the boobs, with a very caring eyes-looking. The hair was short, like many girls do have now, but I thought:

“Fits her well!

She seems nice, lets give a try!” – I smiled happy and went once again to hi5. ^^

I was surprised.

Somehow, I felt that this person was to be special. I accepted this Friend Request and very soon, Sam sends me a message, saying:

“Thank you for accept my friend request!

My name is Sam, and you? :0)”  

I was still puzzled!

Was Sam a boy or a girl?

In my opinion  Sam could be the short name for Samuel [boy’s name] or Samantha [girl’s name].  So that’s why I was confused! :P

Well, I didn't want to hurt Sam’s feelings, but I was very curious to know!

So in my replying message, I asked “nicely” if he was a boy or a “tomboy”! *blushes*

Sam replied very soon again, asking me why I was asking that! 

Ended the reply, saying he was a boy! xD

I replied again explaining my doubts. 

Somehow, I knew I believe him. 

Deep inside, I felt I could really trust him! 

Sam loved the explanation! 

Send me a long message, with tons of questions about me and my country!

[Also explained me about the picture, that wasn't of him - it was a very cute girl, like I thought first!] 

[Sam is really cute too, btw!] :P

Once again, I replied and answered all his questions. I asked him a lot of things too, as I love to know more about different countries. He lives in a place across the ocean, a place that I never went, at least in this life – but will go in one of these days! ;D

We soon enough found we were very similar in many aspects. Day by day, we left comments in the murals of each one and for more personal questions, we used to left messages to each other.

A month after we met first time on hi5, Sam send me his email,with a small note:

“Just in case you wanna know me more!  ;o)” 

Of course I wanted to know him more…

An amazing story had began!

A story of a friendship that asked nothing in return, just to listen...and understand.

Pictures and story provided by Virgulas do Destino