The other side of the mirror....my version

Back then when I resigned from my old job, found out that none of my friend were left waiting for me and most probably none wanted to have anything to do with the person I have become.

Now with more time on my hand I had discovered new interests, but as soon as winter made its self feel I had no option but to stay home. To break a little the daily monotony I started using a social network (hi5). It was all going fine till I started sharing pictures of my self and most of the “friends” started commenting on my image and asking for sex and video calls. I was not looking for a relationship, but I was looking for a friendship nothing else nothing more.

On the day I was suppose to delete my account, a request I sent was accepted, and a short while after I was having a nice conversation with a guy from across the ocean his name was Joao (I then nicknamed him Gwanni, translated from my mother language).

I shared my world with him and he showed me his world. An unknown gravity made me go back every single day, craving to know more about this new friend and about his world. Days passed and it was time for me to remove my account once and for all....

...I needed to escape from the network ...back then I was more retained more closed into-myself, I was not always like that but the events that occurred in my life made me change the person I was once...

I was scared, and somehow hated many of the proposals I was receiving, events in my life made me scared almost “homophobic”. Don't get me wrong I never done anything or discriminated anyone, I was just scared, again life happenings made me be scared.

But I somehow new this was not just an ordinary friendship it felt from the very beginning that something much more bigger was to be conceived. It was a friendship that would have not know any boundaries no distance and asked nothing in return ….just to listen and understand .

Thanks Gwanni,

Your friend C.  

The Other Side Of the Mirror

My new adventure on social network started deteriorating day by day, I was disgusted by many of the users asking for virtual sex. I was sick of them and their comments, I was not looking for a relation or to have some fun with an unknown person from God knows where, I just wanted a friendship or someone to talk to and relive me from my boring mornings as my friends were all gone back then!.

Now many started commenting on my image and pictures I appeared in, so I removed all of my personal pictures and replaced them with others...all I kept was my real name and country.

It was then when I met my dear friend Gwanni (John) it was my last day but the replies of him made me smile so I thought it was worth to keep a little longer.


My dear friends this is the version of the facts from the other side of the monitor, given by my friend Gwanni, the friend I met that day and never regretted I did, he kindly agreed to share his version and I am now glad to post this on his behalf.

The other side of the mirror 

In that month, when I realised my dream and opened my own store, I decided to “get back to origins” and opened a new hi5 account. I closed my account one year and half before, when my dear Kit-chi passed away. Together and even before him, I had so much good moments in hi5! Meet there a lot of friends – had more than 5000 friends there, from all over the World. ^^

This decision of returning to hi5 was very important to me – it means that I was finally ready to move on, after so much time suffering and even being in the hands of death, months earlier.

I'm a very leery boy [not that I like to be], but life made me be like that. When I meet new persons I tend to take some time to really trust them. I like to meet persons in social networks, in particular in the old days of hi5. Comparing it with Facebook  for example  I would prefer the good old hi5, because there you could only share things with those you like and those who were your friends there – now Facebook has that kind of settings too, but it took too much time. 

Either way, I still preferred the hi5 for meeting people.

Well, those reasons and the fact that I love to meet persons and their cultures from all over the World, made me return to hi5. My return wasn't going like I was used. In a year and half, many things changed. People changed a lot, turning to be more interested in “sex” and “webcam shows” than friendships. 

I got disappointed with persons, day by day. 

In the end, had only one friend in Mexico who was interesting enough to make me go again to talk there. But, even her got a boyfriend and left hi5. I decided to give up too. In my last day there, one beautiful day, a person called Sam send me a Friend Request. 

I was browsing and then heard a email coming.

Went see it. 

Saw the email. 

It was a Friend Request from hi5. 

Looked to the picture. It was a very interesting picture. A person, in a black and white photo, half naked, smiling kirky and hugging them self  hiding the boobs, with a very caring eyes-looking. The hair was short, like many girls do have now, but I thought:

“Fits her well!

She seems nice, lets give a try!” – I smiled happy and went once again to hi5. ^^

I was surprised.

Somehow, I felt that this person was to be special. I accepted this Friend Request and very soon, Sam sends me a message, saying:

“Thank you for accept my friend request!

My name is Sam, and you? :0)”  

I was still puzzled!

Was Sam a boy or a girl?

In my opinion  Sam could be the short name for Samuel [boy’s name] or Samantha [girl’s name].  So that’s why I was confused! :P

Well, I didn't want to hurt Sam’s feelings, but I was very curious to know!

So in my replying message, I asked “nicely” if he was a boy or a “tomboy”! *blushes*

Sam replied very soon again, asking me why I was asking that! 

Ended the reply, saying he was a boy! xD

I replied again explaining my doubts. 

Somehow, I knew I believe him. 

Deep inside, I felt I could really trust him! 

Sam loved the explanation! 

Send me a long message, with tons of questions about me and my country!

[Also explained me about the picture, that wasn't of him - it was a very cute girl, like I thought first!] 

[Sam is really cute too, btw!] :P

Once again, I replied and answered all his questions. I asked him a lot of things too, as I love to know more about different countries. He lives in a place across the ocean, a place that I never went, at least in this life – but will go in one of these days! ;D

We soon enough found we were very similar in many aspects. Day by day, we left comments in the murals of each one and for more personal questions, we used to left messages to each other.

A month after we met first time on hi5, Sam send me his email,with a small note:

“Just in case you wanna know me more!  ;o)” 

Of course I wanted to know him more…

An amazing story had began!

A story of a friendship that asked nothing in return, just to listen...and understand.

Pictures and story provided by Virgulas do Destino

A friend named John

Its funny how faith works, was suppose to delete my profile and forget about it in just minutes. What faith had in store was totally different. Found a friendship that withstood the proof of time.

Days after days I sent messages to my new friend (Gwanni), discovered a lot about his country (Portugal) and discovered that we were not so much different after all. Its funny when you think that a few days earlier he was thinking to delete his profile too, now we both found a special friendship, deeper then others I used to know. A friendship that asked nothing in return, just to listen...and understand.

For a reason I still not quite grab, I have told no one about the friendship I made. Perhaps I thought there was no reason to do so, and besides there was nothing wrong about it. It was just an on-line friendship, nothing more... well not quite true, it was more then just a friendship I knew deep inside that this friendship would lead me to a much different level of friendship. I knew this was no ordinary friendship can't explain why but I just knew!.

And all things happen for a reason they say, and this is one truth I would have discovered very soon.

Picture on loan from Virgulas do Destino

The proof is in the pudding!.

I feel exhausted!. What a week it have been!. The bad weather is not helping at all. Luckily yesterday the weather was kind and the sun showed up in its mighty glory all day!. It was nice to have a walk in the park and be able to snap a few pictures. The day ended up in a very good way, met Tory and talked over a bottle or red, it have been a while since we last met!. Unbelievable when thinking that we live on a rock that measures  27Km by 14Km!!. Was sorry to hear she is having troubles at work again, and I think she shouldn't,  as she is very passionate about it, and goes well over and above her duties all the time!.

Thinking about it I am not having the best days at work either. I simply wish I was able to kick my own self for dropping my position. I have worked hard to be able to get "the" position, the effort I put in showed as the restaurant was ranked one of the top restaurants on the island leaving  way behind my old friends  from my last employment!!! (In your face buddies!!!).  But I am afraid that I am a proud person, very proud, many times way to much and over the smallest things. Stubborn! yes I am, way to much many times stubborn too, but I like to make my point clear and now no matter what happens I will standby the decision I made even at the cost of leaving my job!.

To make a long story short, I took charge of the kitchen at its peek season, ended up working twice the work as before, not because of my position just because Mr Crabs did not want to employ a new cook!. After a long discussion he gave in and agreed to get a new cook, he somehow realised that before we were 4 in the kitchen and now we ended up just 2!. Not mentioning the silly wage increase! and must not forget that on my first month I spent over 200 Euros on fuel just to shop around for the restaurant no joke when you remember the size of this island!!!. Well this was not just it! I have mentioned in one of my past posts that Mr crabs while giving me the new contract said a few things I did not quite like, referring to (you are way too young and the I don't know you part!). I returned the contract back just after a few days and said to him that I am not signing it, as I have proved myself enough during the past year and a half. Somehow he understood my point. To mess up the situation even more he got a new guy that apparently had no experience in the sector and this was the final blow!. I called Mr crabs and told him to get a new chef as I am leaving!.

He bagged me to stay and stupid me I said yes. After a 3 months of hard work a new guy steps in, and the first thing Mr Crabs tells me was make sure you teach him well and check the stuff before sending it out!.

Now! WAIT A MINUTE! You are telling me that you got a new chef, younger then me (Please notice the YOUNGER THEN ME BIT), that is my superior, and I have to make sure he works good? I have to check if my superiors work  is good enough???.

Now after a month that the new "Chef" started here I am leading from behind the scenes, trying not to make the reputation of the restaurant drown. I love doing my job, and I am very passionate about my job, I cant let this bloke ruin this place so I must all the time step in and fix all the "fuck ups" this guy makes, answer to all the damn questions and fix every single issue that rises up. And who takes the credit? Not me!!. Now don't get me wrong, the new guy is a good "boy" and he tries his best, just I don't think this is his piece of cake. There is to much to chew here!. "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" they say, indeed!. Last week after a tremendous service the new guy came to me and said "Thanks Hotei you saved me today!". I got a bit mushy and just said its OK no problem...but come on I cant all the time step in and try to not let the ship sink!. This is getting to much on my nerves and annoying me, I have applied for numerous jobs and to my surprise I got a respond from the least expected...left quite a good impression on the  manager and said I will definitely hear from him, now one question rises...will I be able to say goodbye to the kitchen I love so much?. Will I be able to hang up my apron once and for all?.

  

Pictures goggle images (no the apron is not mine) ;)

  

My name is John.

Winter made itself feel in its mighty glory just a few days after our return. With lots of time on my hand and most days I was unable to leave home due to the terrible weather, I discovered something that I have long forgotten....It was then when I triggered a hidden force, something I called destiny...

Brought to the light an old gift that for long it have been forgotten. I needed to kill some time and this gift seemed to show up to me at the right time.

What made me  join a social network, I have absolutely  no idea! but there I was, signing up on one. May be just to kill some time, or may be just to make new friends, as my friends have long departed me. Signed up and just after a very small while I received my very first request. It was kind of fun to interact with so many different cultures and ideas from across the globe. I loved a good discussion and loved the comments I started receiving about my pictures...loved to explain about my country and the places in my pictures...for many my country was new, never heard of.

It was fun until it lasted...I started receiving odd requests and soon I discovered that it was a bad idea to join a social network were everyone could see you and add you. Many started to be quite annoying and many times I founded them offensive. Just a few weeks after opening an account there I was!, signing in for the last time to trash my account. But that did not happen, received a comment on one of the posts I had on my profile, then a few minutes later received more comments about more pictures. Somehow I knew it was worth to keep the account may be just a little longer, after all there were good people there too...and after all it was a good choice to keep the account a little longer.

My name is John he said... it was the start of a true and strong friendship from across the ocean.... 

 Picture by google images 

The Kiss by Gustav Klimt 

My profile picture at the time 

In love again.

For so many years I locked my self and neglected my own self and most of all I ignored my loved one. Now it was the ideal time to make something and revert all this and make up for the time lost.

The only logical ting was to spend as much time as possible with each other, after all for years we left many things unsaid and left our relationship deteriorate slowly, without doing anything about it. Perhaps I have to blame my own self for this, she always gave me all of herself and all that she had, now it was time to give her something back.

Slowly we started coming closer again, it kind of felt like a new feeling discovering it for the first time... 

At the end of summer left for a small retreat just the two of us our destination was London. I can remember it very clearly, I was so trilled only left the island 5 years before, I have....we have changed so much during these years I felt like rediscovering my own self. It have been a very long time since we had time to be close and alone. Making love the first night felt different, I was different, she was different I felt  like a stranger in my own skin. Perhaps I needed more time to come out of this, it was a slow recovery and the most ting I hated about it was that it was not allowing me to see her feelings clearly, I could not feel the warmth I was used to, she felt somehow distant.

I watched her sleep that night, I could not sleep, my mind was crowded with thoughts. I had it all I thought, I now let it all go. I felt ashamed of my own self, she deserved better I thought. That night we were on the same bed but yet felt distant...there I promised that I will give her more of myself.

Each day that passed we found more and more of what made this flame start, making love now became more of what I used to know, no longer I felt ashamed of laying beside her in her sleep. It felt safe to hold hands again nothing could harm us or break us apart.

Just like every journey it had to come to an end, mine was no difference. Came back home brand new, overflowing with emotions, one of the best feelings I ever felt in my entire life. We were in love again, just like the first time.

 As we found each other again and our long lost feelings, destiny had something lurking for us that would make our world crumble and fall, just like a very sick joke played softly like a lullaby by a stronger and bigger force something that only time had power over it... 

Pictures by tumblr

Colour in a dull world.

As days passed  I started working at the new place, trying to leave the past behind. It was a totally different scenario, more calm more friendly and inviting, I was almost intimidated by the situation, it was almost surreal.  I could not understand how there could be such a big difference between the old post and this one. I asked many times myself how I could have done this to me, how I let my self be blinded by a little money. For years I knew nothing but work, I had become dull.

Many times drove my way to work early, and took my time strolling around the city watching the crowd going at its pace. Staying at home was not going to do me any good, locking my self up wont help me, so (I thought)  why not have a walk, and have a coffee. I might be having it alone but at least I'm out and I could see new places and new faces. That alone was enough. Started rediscovering my passions, time over time I silently watched the tourist wondering about capturing every corner, stone, door and window. Colour! and little noises,  a carriage drawn by a horse making its way trough the crowd in an almost eerie silence only broken by footsteps on the cobblestones.  

Walking in the silent streets of the city leading to the new place made me think... I started noticing a world full of colours, shapes and sweet soft sounds. I loved it! it felt good! too good to be true, but it was true I was now living. 

Long time ago a very good friend of mine gave me a small gift, a "photo camera" I started to capture what my eyes saw and thought it was worth to be frozen forever. My morning stopped to be dull and empty, now this time was worth living, I felt passionate about this new hobby. Discovered the beauty of the early morning...the mist, no longer I cursed it for stopping me from driving early in the morning, now I was fetching for more and more scenarios. Inspiration was not to far, it was all along around me, tourist came to capture and savour a little of what my country can give, it was now time for me to give a little back to them.

The old company started paying me what was due to me, and with this little extra I could plan a small gift for Cas and me. She was delighted!, it was a surprise to her after so many years. Now we could spend real quality time together, we could restart living and rediscover each other just like in the past.

Picture by tumblr 

  

Light...

On the day of my exit I did not look back, I felt this proud feeling about my self deep inside me. It felt like the best thing I could do for my self and the people who are around me and love me. Now I could take back my life, now I could sail back this boat to shore after the long tedious journey.

But no matter how much I have tried, no matter what I did I felt still overwhelmed by this anger deep inside me. I still hated the people ho tried to make my life miserable, and the more I thought about it the more it grown. I could not take it, I have never harmed anyone for personal gain, but there I was, a victim of their greed and selfishness, I was weak so that was my punishment, I deserved to feel miserable.  

At home it was not any different, I preferred to be alone I needed the time to be alone. Time...now I had time, time to think more to the point of nausea. Have this thick skin I'v grown suffocated the man trapped inside it?.  It took me days to realise I was out of the tunnel, I looked and searched for the life I have left unlived 5 years before. But I could not find it, all the friends I had left were all gone, no one was left to wait for me, and contacting them was not going to help, they surely must have forgotten about me, why would they remember?. They left me behind them as they continued living their lives or was I to leave them as I never replied to them, or I was simply to busy with my work building a future ignoring my past, leaving alone what I had to leap in the dark and maybe make a future out of it. All alone again I was in no different position  from the work I have just left. Would my act be waisted in vain?.

Then found help, a help that was always near me but I was to blinded to see. I was cold and I was many times bitter to her, I have left questions of hers un-answered. Many times I just started an argument to be able to escape and be alone again and safe in my dark corner, safe from the light of this new world, this new life I have now started living. Only God knows how many times I made her cry with my cold attitude, but she instead of turning her back on me...she smiled and showed me that she still cared for me, that there was something still worth to live for, and most of all that we still shared the same dream that we once started dreaming a while back.

By the time I have opened my eyes, she started loosing hope, effected by my selfishness and stubbornness. Or maybe realising that I was now waking up from this long, deep nightmare I trapped myself in, decided to make me have a taste of my own bitter behaviour. And how I can blame her for that?. She slapped me back to me asking nothing in return, only to be treated like a human being with feelings should be treated, not just indifference and neglect.

Pictures by tumblr

Once upon a chapel's step

"Wait!... stop there" Cassidy told me, holding my hand and calling our stroll in the city to a halt.
 Looked back at her and asked her what was the matter.
"Walk... go a little further, she said smiling".
I walked a couple of passes and looked back at her again .."what? what is it?" I asked her.
 "Nothing silly...you have grown a beard! she said laughing".
 "And now you notice?" I replied smiling.
She laughed and walked next to me "meant, you have grown quite a lot since last time we walked down these stairs".
"Right!" I said.....


Took out my trusted camera and snapped a picture of the "scenario" as a reminder...

Time really flies, almost 9 years ago I exchanged one of my very first kiss with Cassidy on the doorsteps of this chapel...

On the door step of this chapel, followed my dream's.

On these steps I wished for something real.

Then set fire to the dream's I so longed for. 

Now  here I am backtracking what I lost.

On these steps I dreamt a life, a happy life. 

Looking back at the past 9 years I notice how much we both have changed, how much we have grown. Perhaps our feelings changed too. Its different when you see life from the eyes of a young man, growing up you start realising that life can be no fairytale. There is much that can lead a relation to crumble. 

"Want to do what we left undone 9 years ago?" Cassidy asked me smiling. 

"And what we have left undone?" I smiled back.

                                                               And then we kissed...

Today I look back and can see the path I have chosen, I can see it but I cant take the same path back. I have so much to hold onto, I have made so many mistakes, I have lost direction many times, but guess that makes me only human. I have come so far, we have learnt so much from each other on this adventure called life... 

  

  

Picture by Hotei

The beginning of the end

When a bird is alive it eats ants and when a bird is dead, ants eat the bird, time and circumstances can change at any time. Don’t devalue or hurt anyone in your life. You may be powerful today but remember that time is more powerful then you. One tree makes a million match sticks but only one match stick is needed to burn down a million trees. 

So be good and do good. 

The End... 

What a relief!, I was now free (or almost free!) gave 11 years of service to the company, I had no extra days off in 5 years!, except when Cassidy was in hospital.
I was called by the directors and the management for a meeting, they offered me more money, but I refused them on the spot. All I wanted was to get out of there, I worked far too long and under the worst circumstances, more then anyone could take!.

By law had to work a notice period, and to my disbelief I had to suck it in for an other 3 months!. It was either that way or pay 3 months of notice!. I was happy to pay a 3 months notice to the company...but then I thought (why?). I sweated my ass off for so many years, I gave all that I had, sacrificed so much!. I proposed a deal. And to my more disbelieve they accepted!. They freeking accepted!!!. My proposal was, that I work for 3 months, but only a 40 hour!, they can forget the 60 hour a week!, and I wanted my leave balance to be paid! I never took any leave in 5 years   that meant I had over a year of balance left!.

And so it was, I many times regretted the fact I made such a proposal, and many times I wanted to kick my own self, but then I used to tell my self, (you stood for so many years, what 3 months mean now? and besides I'm working only 40 hours a week).

The others... what happened to them?...

Joe, remained at the hotel, after my resignation promoted to sous chef. He moved living in with Ta Chan. 

Ta Chan, Left the hotel after a few months I left, her and Jo living together . who knows perhaps wedding bells are in the air?.  

Jessica, resigned after 6 months I did, now working more happy and less stressed and perhaps she have more time to spend with her family....and especially her son. 

Tassu, left the country and went working in the UK, he is now father of two beautiful children. 

Rose, left the island for a holiday in Germany, now married to a German man, last I heard from her said she will make a come back soon. 

Tomo Chan, resigned from the hotel the same week I did, now happily working in a small restaurant, last time I saw her she was enjoying her meal in the restaurant I am working in, her son enjoyed the kitchen tour I gave him and loved sending the orders out!. 

Rosanna, happily married in Switzerland now a proud mother of 3 kids. 

Chef Kazu, back in Japan opened his 3rd sushi restaurant in Hiroshima!. Proud dad of daughter Luna.    

Taka, back to Japan,  happy married father of two kids. 

Vince, Not happily married, the new position got into him now the director of a major 5* hotel. 

SiSi, still working at the hotel, just had her daughter wedding last summer. 

Clint, took over my position for a month then left the hotel to work in a new opened restaurant, bribed some of the staff to join him. He was fired a week after the opening of the restaurant  unable to find job on the island due to his reputation he now seeks fortune in the UK.  

Chef, still working at the hotel, received a message if I wanted to go back....my answer? FUCK YOU !! :) 

Nigel, never heard from him since...

Therese, separated from her husband, found love on the island, fighting for custody of her children, last time I had a chat with her she said she was missing her children quite badly and was dying to go back to the Philippines!.




From this moment onwards my story will change dramatically, the long introduction was necessary for you to understand me and get a picture of my personality. Also I wanted to write it all down as a reminder, for me to be able to look back and see how long I have come.

It was an ode to love, my love for Cassidy, an apology to her for turning to such a jerk many times. I may not have mentioned it much but I love her, I do...and despite what happened I was always loyal to her and I'm sure she was to me. I may have "betrayed" her trust in a way many times, I may have many times walked away from her, but I loved her ...I was always true. True with her true with me true with you!. Even if many times I was silent and distant, the flame that started 9 years ago still burns.

To those that I have addressed many posts, I want to let you know that my feelings never changed, what I said I still believe, and you will always be a vital part in my life. The feelings I felt will always be imprinted in my heart, mind and soul.  Wish many times we had not said goodbye, as I miss you much. And this silence pains me a lot. Perhaps one day you will understand my feelings, that I carried and still carry.

And here I call the end of my long bumpy journey. I shared the ups and downs of my life with you my friends. This is the end of the first chapter, and the beginning of a new one.  

Pictures by google images and tumblr

All good things come to an end (Part 4)

Goodbye Mr nice guy;

I could not trust, it was time to raise the white flag and call the surrender... 

Right after the festive season I asked to be transferred to a new position, I could not work in such an environment, and besides all of my complains to chef were pointless!, he would have not listened. His reply was a constant!, always the same prompt answer "your over reacting Hotei, and if you think you have a problem, try and sort it out by yourself..."

At first my proposal was ignored, and this only made things worst. I started to change, I started not to trust..I became cold, stopped joking with the others, for me (I thought) they are no longer friends, they are just co-workers and I should have treated then as such from the very first day...

No more a smile on my face and many started asking me what was going on, but I never gave an answer back...

My change effected the others and the kitchen atmosphere turned  cold and it was heavy to breath, I let no one approach me...

Jessica was the one to worry and notice my drastic change, she many times tried to make me smile, but now it was just to late, and I was just too stubborn to listen...
Finally my request was accepted and I was moved to a new post...but now something was different I could not change to the one I used to be, I somehow liked the person I have become. Many were just intimidated by my stare, and the way I addressed them. I didn't mind, it was perfect! they "feared" me and no one dared to question me anything...but this made me only grow more distant and colder....to every one...

I trusted only a few persons...but I still kept a step back...

Then...this "Change" effected me more then I could ever imagine, it took over me. The "new me" gave me confidence and made me not see clearly... Cassidy noticed my drastic change but I guess she preferred  not to say anything. I was cold to her as well and the stress from work effected our relationship and the misadventures in renovating our home did not help. It was like a constant build up of emotions and broken dreams.

The new emotion rooted deep within me, it protected me, now no one could touch this person I have become...

I tried to not let work matters affect me at home..but it was now just too late. I started treating Cassidy the same way I treated the others. I was blinded with this new emotion, I hated this emotion and at the same time I loved it. It made me feel safe.

I am not sure what made Cassidy remain by my side, many times I did not want to meet her after work as I knew this meant more stress and more arguments about the renovation works. I preferred to go home and try to escape from it all even if for a few hours. My life was now work and sleep. I slept every time I could get some free time it was my way to escape, and many times on a free day I would just go by the sea and watch the waves break down on the coast, anything! as long as I was alone....

An other year was gone by... 

Again Jessica came congratulating "me" for the good job, our restaurant won an award, she hugged me and whispered in my ear "you know? the others are quite pissed, especially Clint! they did not qualify for the award this year". I sort of gave in a smile to her that day...but that was it.

Chef came that evening to give us the news, it was like the same deja-vous  repeating... the same as he said the year before...I was very pissed this time, but said nothing.
Went home that day and laid down on my bed, but somehow I could not sleep...I had this constant resonating voice in my head..."you can't take this Hotei..you will not take this Hotei". I stood up and started writing a letter, it came out all spontaneous like it was all already written in my head and my hand was the printer.

Went rushed to work and handed the letter I wrote the night before, I had decided..it was no longer my place to be....

The very next morning I received a call, it was a man asking me if he could talk to me about work, I without any hesitation excepted to do so.

And so destiny started unfolding its magic on me, the wheel started its cycle and I could not stop it or change its direction. I met the gentile man that called me and he offered me a job, I accepted with out the sign of a doubt...  

Picture by google images

All good things come to an end (Part 3)

A transfer!?,
Chef came to me asking what happened in the kitchen and what was all this friction about?.
Apparently Clint asked for a transfer, as he said it was impossible to work and cope with me!. Well to be honest with you it came as a relief, was happy he asked to be moved as he undone all of my work that took me months to achieve, in just days!.

For about 2 months all was going fine again, and luckily the brigade was back on track in no time.

About 2 months before Christmas one of the guys, asked me if he could leave 2 hours early, now normally such a request must be headed to the executive but I knew that this guy had a few clashes with the executive, for  a few reasons.
 This guy had many issues, personal issues...and these reflected in his performance during work, I usually covered for him in a way or an other. So this time was no difference I granted him the permission, he even said he will come after a few hours and make sure his section is fine. But that did not happen!, he did not return and in aim to cover his ass I tried to finish he's work, but chef got to find out....and I was in trouble...

I was truly mad at him but I thought something must have happened to him, so I just let it go. These events continued over and over and many have started abusing from my "soft" side, I was pretty strict but when it came to personal matters I closed an eye, I used to tell my self  (it could have been you Hotei!).

After a month or so Clint had to make a comeback, I tried to ignore him as much as possible, but that was not always possible.

                                          _____________________________________

"Congratulations!! Hotei, the restaurant won an award, we are listed number 9th best restaurant on the island!!"  Jessica Shouted entering the kitchen. "you made it!".
The whole kitchen was trilled to the news, we had come so far, had so many obstacles but in the end the extra effort paid off!.

I was pretty proud of what all of us had done, but it was a short lived happy moment!. According to chef it was just a hit of luck and that I did not deserve to go and claim the award!. I was very sorry and took it quite badly.....

Instead of crying out loud about it I just ignored it and went on with the daily routine. The festive season was close and we started working hard on the items for the menu. One evening remained at work till almost 3am making (Ravioli), it was a long day but at least the job was done and I could carry on with an other item. The next morning or I should say a few hours later I returned to work and entered to a surreal silent kitchen. I asked what was the matter, but no one seamed to want to answer....Clint came forward and said "you see, this morning upon entering the kitchen we found the freezer door open".

My work...all down the drain...all of the ravioli turned to a gooey mass!. Had to throw all of them in the bin...and start all over again.
The next day re-made the whole batch with some help and made sure the freezer was properly closed! (not that I wasn't sure that I haven't closed it the first time, but you cant point fingers in these cases).

I had to be careful, someone was massing with me, and  I could be sure that the situation would have gone out of control... 

The next morning went in earlier then usual and to my disbelieve I had found the freezer switched off from the main switch...I was still in time to save the work...now I was sure...and I had an idea of whom it might be...

Picture by google images 

All good things come to an end (Part 2)

The new guy (Clint) was very experienced, it took him just a short while to get used to the system. I thought it meant that finally I got to get my day off again. But this did not happen as on my first day off in a month the new guy called in sick. Well, these things happen I thought.

A few days passed and I started noticing  friction among the staff, its like something was bugging them and most were about to explode any minute. It was normal, the stress levels were high, we still managed to joke around to keep up the spirits high!. 2 weeks later it was my day off so Clint would replace me, again he called in sick, and I had to go on duty again. Got to work and received a call from him, saying that he was sorry and that usually he is not like that!.
To be honest I was pissed, but whining about it would just have made it worst!.

Then..... one morning right after breakfast I asked one of the members to chop up some vegetable and the response was, "I'm busy doing something else, ask Clint to do it he always skives!".
I could not believe what I just heard, no one replied to me that way for months! not even under the worst circumstances!. I replied to him, "its ok...its not that important, you do it when your done from what you are doing"...
This was not normal there was like an electricity in the air, something was bound to happen very soon, but I could not find what was the problem as no one ever came to me complaining. A few days later while sorting out the walk in cooler found beer hidden underneath the shelves, went over to Clint and asked him if he knew anything about it, he attacked me saying "why do you ask me? ask the others!".

That's it! it had started! The kitchen was in a mess again! no one wanted to take responsibilities, anything I asked the answer was I don't know!. That was the final drop I took a drastic measure and rotated the staff on different shift but this was not working and now over heard Clint saying that I was too young to lead such a kitchen!. ohhh ! all I remember is that I erupted!. Told him what I thought of him, and weather he likes it or not.... that is the situation! there were only two options ether  follows my orders or get the hell out of there! and there was no room and no chance he could question one of my orders! the buck stops here!.

 This somehow got some days of quiet...but the harmony was now broken, nothing could be the same again...

Picture by google images 

All good things come to an end.

Year 2010;

With the bad luck that struck the both of us and the desperate need for funds to renovate our dream home, a promotion was truly a God send!.

I hated my new position! I was simply to good to deal with 8 rebellious kitchen members, and guess being the youngest to deal with all of them was no easy task!. Trying to convince them that this puny man knows what he is talking about!.....if you know what I mean!?...
I wanted to give up, after all there was no shame in it, many have tried to control the brigade with a poor result!. But have anyone ever stopped and listened to what they wanted to say?. So that is what  I did before throwing the towel!. I must admit work was not easy! it was stressful and awfully busy, and the heat was just "infernal" and not to mention the space restriction!(so you couldn't really blame the guys for there behaviour) The kitchen was tiny..but I mean really small! I called it the Barbie kitchen cause it was so small, just a 15sqm elongated oblong!.

Tailor-made the roster to fit everyone needs, and make them all work more at ease.  Sacrificed 3 hours of my free mornings for months by going in early to be able to write down a daily menu and guide them step by step trough it!. But I did not mind at all! the change in there attitude was clearly visible and I gained there trust completely, if I asked them to back flip they would have done it! (no kidding!).

Then one fine day the so called black cloud hit us! I'm talking about the (recession). Apparently the hotel made a considerable loss!, more by mismanagement in my opinion then by lack of work, the hotel was constantly full 365days a year!. What made the company hit the bottom was the wrong investments and not mentioning the over half a million in food bills charged to the hotel for personal entertainment by the directors, but as I always say the hotel worked in mysterious ways that no one could ever understand!.

So there I was facing to loose half of my now settled brigade, the executive clean swept away  my tight laced kitchen by half its man power!. I was given a small bonus for the work done, and to shut my mouth and oblige to the decision.

Well... I did not! convinced the director that if the kitchen was to be halved the standard would go down dramatically, it was physically impossible for 4 man do the work of 8!. This only prolongated the situation for a few months as within 2 months one member after the other was transferred... to different posts.

Then I was sick and I was tired of it, it was impossible to cope, every single person of us was demotivated to the point in loosing interest in the work done. We just needed to be fast, cook and out! no time for quality it was quality against quantity. Over a time period of 6 months over 9 members left or were sent away from every department, keeping the "skellington staff" as they called it!. Then..... a ray of light... a new addition!   a new team member!!  felt like the "mana" sent to help Moses!.

Or so I thought...

Picture by google images

The secret garden

Not  far away a man walked silently in a garden staring at an old box he once found on the sea shore. Wondering if he'll ever see again the girl who once lived in the box...

"You said one day you'll walk away and never look back if I be                                                          watching..."

She undone her long black hair laced with a crimson ribbon, laid down on the soft grass staring up towards the purple sky, thinking of the past. Searched in her pocket and took out an old rusted key, she smiled at it and held it high but it did not glisten in the light like before, tried to clean it remembering the day she locked the door behind for the last time. Stood up and walked towards the old garden where the flowers had no smell and they were made out of paper. Birds in the trees but they refused to sing, the world has gone on mute. Made it to the old big tree where there was the secret door now covered in weeds and thorns,  she wondered what happened inside...barley can remember the faces on the other side. Held the key tight in the palm of her hand wondering if she could ever go in again. The world on the other side was bright and colourful  the birds sang and the flowers scent pervaded the air.

She placed the key into the key hole and opened the door slowly, to her horror she entered in a grey world where winter was now the ruler were once spring reigned supreme!,  the flowers scent was gone the birds stopped singing, walked down to the lake, the sun was as bright as in her world. The sun rays reflected brightly on the water making her feel dizzy and fall to the ground.

"You said one day you'll walk away and never look back if I be watching..."

To her approached a man and stared at her silently, he wondered if she was dreaming...again...the last time he saw her was a long time ago, she was holding the very same key she is holding today, wearing the same smile as she did  on that day. He wished deeply to wake her but he was afraid she will just run away like she did a long time ago, locking him in this enchanted garden forever.

The man sat beside her and thought...

         "she was not a figment of my imagination after all..."

The man stared at her for a long time, then started whispering words, 
  "If I tell you will you listen?",
 "Please don't say you'll have to go away again",
 "The silence in this world have become so violent since your gone, never let me go again".

The girl's body twitched to the sound of those words and let a tear escape and run down her pale face. Guess she could hear him after all, perhaps she craved to go back in the secret garden for a long time, but was afraid to find no one waiting for her return...

The man smiled, and covered her with his coat to keep her warm. Stood up and walked away looking for the box he had kept for such a long time. Returned to her and took away her key placed it in the box and sank it in the lake. "I'll set you free my dear" the man softly mumbled.

If you stayed would it have been all the same?
                                              Things would have changed?
                                                                         We had it all but I just had to let it go...

 All he had to keep him was her memory since she's gone, her thought kept him warm surviving the cruel winter that now ruled this world. The pain that was brought by the thought that he have lost her invaded his soul to the core, he hated the fact that she will have to go again soon, treasured this moment, savoured every second of it, held her warm hand tight kissing her frantically wishing that time could stop.

The bird of dusk came down next to them holding a crimson ribbon, the man took it and placed it around the girls wrist. Suddenly the air got colder and colder the wind froze the few flowers that survived this everlasting winter, draining the last drop of life that was left in them. The man kissed the girl on her lips and held her against him to keep her warm kissed her over and over again until he exhaled his last breath of life.

"You said one day you'll walk away and never look back if I be 
                                           watching..."


The girl woke up from her sleep on the soft grass, she looked around her and she realised she was still in her world ....it was all just a dream, looked in her pockets but the key was gone, thought she had lost it while wondering about in the garden. Then looked at her wrist...a crimson ribbon was tightly laced, stood up and called his name in vain...
... it was time for her to get back home it was getting dark and snow flakes filled the air.
She walked down the usual path...the secret garden door was still locked....

"I will be waiting for you..."

 ...a soft voice whispered from behind the locked door, she walked straight and never looked back...

 ..."she headed to her world of reality towards an endless fantasy"...

Pictures by tumblr